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Hi. Im brand new so thanks for having me.

Where the hell do i start!

My gf has a very addictive personality. Codeine every 4 hrs,nurofen every 4 hrs, alcohol binges 2-3 times a week and ive just caught her tonight using cocaine after drinking alcohol,

Of course she says she doesn't have a problem and she can stop anytime. So why the hell doesn't she? We have a 6 yr old child who's now starting to suffer too. I know this isnt the 1st time with coke, i had a fight in the street with a drug dealer a few months ago when I caught her buying it, to which she said "you've brought shame on this family by doing that in front of the neighbours" Im the bread winner in our house so she keeps the place nice and does the school run and shopping etc. My son only has an 83% school attendance record which i knew nothing about until i saw his school report. I remind her when she drinks on a school night that she has to get up in the morning and all i get is "I'll be alright" I leave for work before they get up so im guessing of course that she cant get out of bed and the little one isnt going to say no to a day off school! She got him to lie for her one day when i asked him if he'd had a good day at school knowing full well he hadn't been in. Ive kicked her out a couple of times and she's took him and gone back to her mums. She then plays on my heart strings so i have her back and so the cycle repeats. She's downstairs whilst im in bed writing this in tears because once again ive told her to leave. Its my son who's going to suffer but she's blaming me for splitting the family up. She's refusing to leave this time but i can't do this anymore. Why can't she see what she's doing to us? We've got a few days next week where we're supposed to be going down the coast and he's really excited about it but I cant play happy families anymore with all the lies and deceit. Ive told her to get clean and if she still wants us to be a family come back. What am i going to do?

She obviosuly has a few problems. But she wont stop it until she admits she has a drink and coke problem. Does she want to quit both or not.?

She is without doubt addicted and needs help, I think you need to suggest meetings and if she doesn't believe she needs them, you have to give her some ultimatums, trust me meetings might not work straight away but if she goes at least she is trying. It's a family wrecker but try to give her a chance if she shows signs of admitting her addiction

Hi. Thanks for replying. She says she needs help when she's drunk but sobers up and says"oh I was just having a bad day" im not sure of the extent of the coke addiction. This could of been going on longer than I've known.

Hi rev.

How many more chances can i give her! Last night i told her to leave, go and get clean then if she feels like making another go of it then all's well and good. Its the lies which bother me more. If she'd open up and give me honest answers I'd want to help more but im just sick of it. Shes on tablets for a heart problem which i don't know exactly what the problem is and bad kidneys too and im not going to see her killing herself in front of me. For the sake of her own health why can't she see what's happening? She's only 41 too.

If i can get her to meetings then thats a start but shes not simply going to stop there and then. how can i live with her knowing that she's still going to be doing this under our roof?

Got to get off for work now. I'll check in later. Thanks for the support

Hi there. Firstly your son needs to be your priority, if he’s missing days off school and she’s lying in bed, that’s awful! I know you work but seriously I wouldn’t be leaving my child in her care, maybe you should approach family members and raise your concerns. Be warned though, they will probably tend to take her side as she will probably down play it or even worse turn it around on you. My husband did exactly that! They even thought all his drug problems were due to him not wanting to be with me anymore. That was until he went to live with them and he caused chaos there!

Secondly there is nothing you can say or do to make her change, as hard as it is try not to take it personally. Her mind has now been rewired to all things addiction, all the reasoning and trying to get her to see sense will be wasted. You need to focus on you. Maybe seek help for yourself. Al anon was a life saver for me. It seemed odd at first but the more I went the more I got it.

You need to try and build a good life for you and your son. Whilst she is an addict you won’t be able to do that. There will be a lot of tears and tantrums along the way but there is light at the end of the tunnel but you have to follow through with what you threatened otherwise this will be all of your lives forever.

Hi. Gonna have to be breif here because of work. Should i stop giving her money for the shopping?

Her mum knows about it but just tells her off and thinks it's sorted now. She could go to her mums but refusing to leave

Well that’s up to you. If you know it’s 100% going on shopping that’s fine, but as you said you’re the main provider so I’m gathering she’s funding it with your money.

I attend marriage counselling and I told the counsellor that my husband would never let me end the relationship, he told me that no one had that power over me and if I was 100% sure I wanted my husband to leave I’d enforce it. So all I’m saying is if you really want her to leave, you could make her. I do understand how hard it is though.

Well i got home from work this evening and she's taken our son and gone to her mums. Part of me craves for my son to be home. He's on the autism scale too and likes structure so im sure he's feeling pretty confused atm. The other part of me wants to stick to my guns as I've been at this stage twice before and she and her mum have pulled on my heart strings and I've buckled. Im telling myself that short term pain leads to long term gain. I can't have my son seeing this month after month until he's a teenager and completely messed up.