My son is 21, and a crack and heroin addict.
I have no feelings anymore, I have been through every emotion , took him to all the mental health/therapies/worked through the withdrawals/ashamed to say lent him money for drugs/took him to his dealer to buy drugs. Initially he said it was to drop something off, then I realised.
I have disregarded the baggies, bits of foil, broken straws, burn stains in the bathroom (He told me it was from cigarettes but I had told him not to smoke in the house) , time spent in the bathroom with the shower running yet he still smells? Until I googled paraphernalia and had a massive shock.
Because I didn't believe he would actually take it in our home ... and now I know what the smell is, I'm not sure it will ever leave me?
He has been aggressive, controlling and moody and I finally kicked him out yesterday after he came home hardly walking, then woke up on an obvious come down kicked off, took my phone and stood outside my door shouting at me and people walking past.
I have no idea where he is, and although I obviously love him, I have a massive sense of relief.
I have a couple friends that I can talk to, my GP has referred me to a counselling service, but I need to talk to people who actually understand!
I have heard the phrase 'Peaceful yet painful'