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Being with an addict that's in recovery

I have a long history with this guy. I've known him for years and our love rekindled a year ago. We had a beautiful relationship but the whole time he was not totally honest with me about how much he did drugs (specifically cocaine), drank & gambled. He would sugarcoat things and be honest about it a handful of times and when he was I got so hurt but I would always be understanding of his situation.

Eventually he was totally honest with me and said that when he wasn't with me he felt like he could finally do all the drugs & drinking that he really wanted to do. He tried to go for help when we were together but it was just to make me happy. We broke up because he essentially chose the partying lifestyle over me.

Fast forward to a year later and he's reached out to me doing so much better. He did a rehab program, actively goes to meetings and practices meditation. I've always known him to be a go-getter but never to be this focused on being sober. He does not have a bad bone in his body but was always out for a good time. Now he is so calm & zen. We've started talking again because we both admit that we can't move on from one another... We still love each other.

He's only been sober for 6 months & I am so scared to be vulnerable to him and get hurt again... It's almost as if he's addicted to his recovery now. It's most of all we've talked about when we've hung out again a few times. I know he's in recovery and things are looking great right now. But getting back together, I would essentially be opening myself up to future pain and possible relapse which scares me.

Is there anyone that can speak to being with an addict that is in recovery? I know it's a constant battle for the rest of their life but i'm worried I will regret it in the future if things were to go down a bad path again and that I essentially set myself up for a lifetime of pain. There's no denying that I love him. This would be tough to work on together & I just don't know if it's worth it to accept all of this for myself...

Should I walk away?

replying to CellarDoor

Hi there, I think they recommend a year sober before thinking about getting into a new relationship. I think it’s down to a lot of things but primarily a new relationship can sabotage his recovery. His no1 focus needs to be on staying well, yours needs to be on you.

Six months is great, but if you’re realistic it’s no time to jump straight back into a full on relationship. Why don’t you remain friends? see how it goes, be there for him as a friend but at a distance, I can definitely understand your hesitance at not wanting to get hurt again. I am married to an addict in recovery (8 months) clean and I still tread on eggshells in certain situations.

If he really likes you and you really like him, then time will tell if it’s meant to be. Don’t focus on his recovery, or his drug addiction, that’s his issues. I know with my husband I became so focused on drugs, that they took over my life and I’ve never even touched them.

Enjoy stuff together, normal stuff. Go out for coffee, the cinema, haha you get my drift anyway. I’m guessing that whilst in addiction he probably didn’t get that much enjoyment out of normal things so make up for lost time.

Good luck.

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