: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

2 replies

Helpless

I feel so helpless. My 39 year old son has ‘gone awol’ again after promising to visit me last week there’s been no sign of him. His drug abuse has been going on for over 20 years. He’s been to rehab and did great but 2 weeks after coming out he was using again. I was so upset and shocked when I saw him last week for the first time in 10 weeks. He is so thin and is an empty shell. I am trying to hold it all together for the sake of my husband (retired) and my daughter, her partner & my beloved grandson and my full time job (I’m 60 later this year and cannot retire as we need the money). My son won’t engage with his drug team, he looks a mess. He’s not caring for himself or his flat and he begs on the street for money for drugs. I refuse to give him money. I am fighting depression & don’t know what to do. My son has broken my heart.

1 reply

replying to Huddle

I’m going through similar with my husband. It’s so awful addiction, there’s so much we don’t know and the only resolve (if there is one) is to leave them to it. This is the hardest bit but in order to save ourself and those around us, I think we have to!

Hugs. Xx I know it’s heartbreaking

replying to Huddle

Ty B8988, it is a comfort to learn others are enduring the same heartache & trying too to remain strong. I have heard so many well meaning friends tell me I can’t help my son if he doesn’t want to change his life. I can’t let myself think there’s no way back for him. As you can tell I’m still wide awake worrying as usual & constantly thinking the worst is going to happen. My little grandson has literally saved my life. His smile lifts my heart. My husband is an alcoholic and I’m in a job I hate but I try & keep myself as sane as I can & keep busy. I think one of the best things I’ve done is sign up to Adfam & now knowing I am not alone with this pain. Hugs to you too. Stay strong xxx

1 reply

replying to B8988

Thank you so much. As I’m new to this I see I’ve replied to myself! Yes you are right. There is no persuasion in the world to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and rejects you and your love. Hugs to you too. Stay strong. XXX

1 reply

replying to Huddle

That’s ok, it took me ages to work out how to aim the comment at specific people. I usually read all replies anyway.

I know what you mean, I have 5 children, my baby melts my heart but at the same time it’s bittersweet as I’m so sad at what she’s been born into. My husband was clean and an amazing father when all my previous children were born. He randomly turned to cocaine in his 30s and for some reason become hooked fast!

He’s has a 7 month period of abstinence where he went back to being the perfect dad, especially to our baby.

She adored him and he dotted on her, that’s why it makes me feel sick to the stomach how he can switch back to being so cold and heartless! I really think I’ve wasted too many years now feeling so awful and ultimately ending up with the same result so this time I’m planning on keeping him away.

It’s so hard, well not at the minute because he’s the one not answering me! but when he tries to reach out, I need to remember the heartache he keeps putting me through.

Xx

replying to B8988

Oh bless you. My son puts my emotions through the wringer. One minute I just want to hug him and the other take a baseball bat to him for all the hurt, worry, stress etc he is putting his family through. I love my son very very much - I just don’t love the person he prefers to be or the life he prefers to live. You sound positive. Look after you and your adorable children. He will have to answer to them and their questions before too long. XXXX

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