: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

3 replies

Lying husband

I guess I'm probably not the only one on here who has issues with their alcoholic husband lying?

We have been having issues since we had a baby last year, I grew up and he didnt and all the responsibility is on me. He was too drunk to take me to the hospital and then failed to bond with our baby. He then drank more and more, over 100 units a week, stopped working hard and created lots of financial issues. I had a good career but childcare is so expensive and I always dreamt of being a stay at home mum. And the house we live in is my house, I've worked really hard to get to the position I am in now but my husband has thrown away our financial security to drink.

The lies just hurt so much. He bare face lies about drinking, I catch him in the pub when he claims to be at work. I think the worst bit is he's trying to squash me and my spirit so I don't challenge him over his drinking. I feel taken advantage of, like it was OK for me to be confident and successful when he got to enjoy the security I've worked for but as soon as I'm reliant on him it all changes. He doesn't treat me very nicely, acts like he is completely indifferent to me, doesn't give me any emotional support. I feel like he's trying to break me down as a person, like he wants to make me a doormat so he can carry on drinking. He loves our child, but not enough to stop drinking. We have split up over it, I've thrown him out, he's promised to quit and then I just catch him out lying again. He only accepts he has a problem occasionally, other times he tries to say I'm over reacting or that it's just a bad habit he has got into.

I'm not even sure what I am posting for, I just want to know somebody, somewhere understands. How do you cope with the lies? When do you say enough is enough? And if they lie about drinking, do they lie about everything else?

replying to MaguMum


Thank you for posting. I'm so sorry that you are going through such a hard time, especially with a fairly new baby. That must be hard for you emotionally, not having the support as well as the additional financial problems your husband's drinking has caused.

I work for a charity called Icarus Trust. We are there to provide support for people like you who are living with the affect of a partner's addiction. if you contact us we can offer you one of our trained and experienced people that you could talk with. They would understand what you're coping with and that might help you to find a way forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

Hoping that this will help.

All the best to you.

replying to MaguMum

Hi MaguMum,

I am in a similar situation myself, my husband is addicted to cocaine and alcohol. The lies are unbearable as you really do question every single thing they say in the end. My husband is about to go into rehab for the 3rd time and although I've consistently supported him so far I am now at breaking point.

You have to ask yourself is this the life you really want? You spend so long concentrating on them on and what they need to be happy/to be well you forget yourself in the process. You stick by them as you have faith they will get well and you married him because he's a great person and you were happy before. But you do also need to start thinking about your future and happiness, you deserve a wonderful life to.

It will take a lot of bravery to break the cycle but I'm not sure for me I'll ever regain the trust that should be there in a marriage.

Do you ever also feel resentful towards them? But then you feel like a terrible person for feeling that way? I know I do!

There are other people out there who are going though similar experiences so never feel alone x

replying to MaguMum

Hi Magumum,

I am in a similar situation as yourself. My husband lies to me all the time even when the bottle of alcohol is in front of us.

I try to remember that it is not me and he is not trying to hurt me but I do know that I don't want to live with this forever.

How much can one person deal with? Is it ok to be lied to and hurt because of this illness? What will be more painful, staying or leaving? I ask myself these questions a lot.

I really don't know the answers but would like you to know you are not alone.

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