: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

3 replies

I'm ending my relationship due to drinking

Hi, I just need some support as although I know I'm doing the right thing for my family I feel guilty and I'm worried for my boyfriend, after a talk on monday he said he wouldnt drink in front of our daughter that he was having a few weeks off and he wouldnt drink again until a stag weekend at the beginning of Oct that me and our daughter were more important and he could see she was being distant with him (always coming to me because I'm the one that's always there, he's really loud when drinking so she's a bit scared as she thinks hes shouting she also doesnt like it when he smells of drink so avoids him plus he let's her down alot by saying hes going to take her places then just leaving me to take her because he'd rather sit at home drinking alone) anyway come Friday and my mum was looking after her so he came home from work with the usual excuses, shes not at home tonight, it's been a long week, I want to spend some time relaxing etc anyway I'm past caring so dont even bother arguing but again he sat up all night drinking when I got up at 9am on sat he was still drinking continued all day, i went out about 11 and returned at 3 he was still in the same spot in the same clothes drinking even though I'd asked him to sort some things while I was out just a few simple things like asking his ex if he could have his son next week for daughters birthday party and take the bin down but he done nothing, the drinking continued even after I picked up my daughter at 4.30 he then spent the rest of the night complaining that he was being ignored and he felt like the invisible man that she'd only cuddle him when he asked he refused to let her have her favourite things because she was being rude to him, when I said it because your drunk all I got was you blame everything on my drinking but it's true hes lost all his friends and family due to arguments hes started when drunk my family dont like him because the amount he drinks he doesnt get invited on work nights out because of his drinking the only person that doesnt see his drinking is a problem is him

I've now decided I need to leave, i need to do what's best for my daughter I know it's going to be difficult to get him to leave and he'll fight me all the way it's going to be very stressful I also dont know where I stand with contact with lo as he will expect me just to hand her over but I dont want to leave her alone with him, i have videos of him passed out and a diary of the amount hes drank over the last month I want to insist on supervised contact until he can prove hes capable of being sober when he has her but I've no idea where to start

I suppose what I'm asking for is some reassurance I'm doing the right thing and if anyone has any help or info regarding how to safeguard my daughter while still maintaining a relationship with her dad? I know it's not going to be easy but any advice to make it as painless as possible would be greatly appreciated thank you x

replying to Tw82

You are doing the right thing your daughter must come first. If she is scared when he drinks then that's quite damaging. Your husband wont stop until he really wants to. I know you must be worrying that if you leave he will get worse trust me I've been there. When someone is an addict then their substance whatever it is will be the most important thing in their live and they will carry on no matter who they hurt.

replying to Tw82

Hi,

Thanks for sharing your story. It's really brave what you are doing and I guess it must be really hard for you.

I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which would offer you help if you think that would be useful. We have people you could talk with and that might help you to answer some of your questions.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

Good luck to you.

replying to Tw82

It’s really brave what you’re doing and I’m so sorry your in this position. But you must put your daughter first as things like this can be damaging later in life.

I’m sure if he looses what he loves he will realise and get help. I’d like to think he would for you both.

Good luck

Please abide by our forum guidlines.

This forum uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

We use optional analytics cookies to help us improve our site by collecting and reporting anonymous information on how you use it.