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Let down again

After 3 years on coke and £60k lighter , partner spoke to me about it at start of September. Been here several times before ... but this time seemed different. Searched out help and support groups and everything was great for first week. He went to 5 CA meetings in first week.

Things slipped second week and now although he says he’s going .... I don’t believe a word. In fact, I just feel I cannot trust a thing he tells me.

Coke seems to have stopped - no sniffing nose, bloody nose or big cash withdrawals or psychotic behaviour. But, this has been replaced by an equally problematic alcohol problem. It’s like one addiction has been substituted for another.

He will often drink out on front porch leaving cans of lager everywhere. I’m totally mortified as feel as though my life is an episode of Shameless.

I just cannot get my head round all of this. How can someone who was totally anti drugs and very rarely took a drink turn into this person.

The effects of the alcohol seems the same as the drugs. It’s like a one person hurricane and literally causes havoc to the lives of everyone he comes into contact with.

I keep wanting things to get better and always have it in the back of my mind that ‘maybe this time’ things will be different. Although ... it never ever is different. It’s like the years of abuse has changed something in his brain and I don’t know if I will ever get that person back again.

I’m just sitting on my own after a day from hell with him. He’s sleeping in bed. It’s like when the hypnotist clicks his fingers and they are back in the room. Thing is, I don’t know how many more performances I can sit through.

Fed up being blamed by him, subjected to nasty text messages and told I’m the one who should apologise.

Thanks for listening as just needed to get this off my chest x

replying to Sunnyskies

A one person hurricane. That speaks volumes. I feel I have a similar effect on those around me. I hope you can find a solutionm. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

1 reply

replying to Sunnyskies

Sounds like your having a awful time , I've had many of those over the years with my sons addiction to cocaine. It's a lonely place to be in at times as any other illness you can talk about freely but I find it difficult as not many people know my situation. I've had too many embarrassing situations caused by him my skin is like a rhino now . It's a horrible drug. I'm sorry I can't give you any useful advice. I should be able to I had years of experience but I have no answers. I muddle through one calamity to the next . One thing I learnt was not to take anything he says to heart anymore. I used to get so upset when he said hurtful things etc but I've learnt to not respond and I suppose it's easier for me I can leave he doesn't live with me . Hope everything settles down for you. The nights are always worse I find. Sorry not much help but wish you well.

replying to Sunnyskies

Thanks nooneyouknow

Ye, it’s tough. The reason I’m still here is that I keep telling myself it’s the effects of the drug and not the person.

I think we all get into this downward spiral ... he uses, I get more protective, which causes him to use again ..... and the cycle continues.

Trying to stay calm and not get into a blame game. I know he will feel terrible inside .... but he would never admit it. Kinda guy that would rip off his nose to spite his face.

I hope you manage to to work things out. I think we all just want our loved one back.

replying to Holton

Thanks Holton

With most things in life, there is usually an answer. This is different as it’s very personal and there is not a magic bullet.

Your right, best thing is just to ignore the abuse, although I have picked him up a few times and told him ‘I don’t like being spoken to in that manner’. I’ve found the best way is to be firm, and point out his language is unacceptable. I usually walk away after that and don’t get drawn into a he said, she said scenario. Gives him time to think about it ... although it only works when he’s not wired to the moon.

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replying to Sunnyskies

Yes when I was new to all this many moons ago I used to make the mistake of arguing with him it took a while until it dawned on me I'm arguing with the drug not him. Now I find it better to wait until he's not high or coming down which is a art in its self. He used to ask me to stay at his but one time he was really verbally aggressive to me and I did draw the line and I've stayed since . It was a hard decision but no one should be treated like that and all his excuses didn't make it acceptable. Hope all works out well for you.

replying to Holton

Lol, it’s definitely an art. I call it the moment the Duracel bunny runs out of battery.

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replying to Sunnyskies

Lol I'd like his to run out a lot more ! I wish he was on pound shop battery's and not duracel!

replying to Holton

Even better if we could just hide the batteries x

replying to Sunnyskies

That would be fantastic. No more batteries. That could be my new code word . Batteries. I do have to speak in code a lot . thank you for the chat and actually managing to smile it's been a bad day . Hope you get some sleep x

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