I honestly don’t even know where to start but I remember being on here along time ago and seeing a woman talk about a similar situation so I hope I can find someone to talk to...
So, my boyfriend is a functioning alcoholic who knows he has a problem, went to AA, quit and has said multiple times he knows it’s a problem. We broke up for a while last year mainly because of it and he told me that wasn’t the life he wanted and would sort himself out and got on to studying a course he’s wanted to do for a long time.
When he started this course I noticed his behaviour with alcohol became worse and worse and I couldn’t cope which is where I found al-anon. Al-anon has been brilliant in helping me cope with my own life and to focus on me. I really thought it was giving our relationship a fighting chance because although he was verbally abusive and horrible when he drank, the sober man is an amazing man and I love his family.
I just found out that as well as drinking and the odd bit of weed (which I knew about and didn’t have an issue with) he’s been taking cousin for nearly half our relationship (we have been together a few years). I had always made it clear that hard drugs are an out right no for me. When he wasn’t paying his way at home he was driving about taking it and once nearly got caught by the police which I thought was a drink thing.
This story is so long but the main point is that the man I’ve loved and planned a life with has been lying to me and I feel so betrayed. Betrayed that he lied to me which is a huge thing for me and that he lied to me about something I’m so against. He’s got himself into some sticky situations and now I’m realising that what I thought was a drunk boyfriend causing bother was a boyfriend on alcohol and cocaine.
He has just gone through a bereavement and it was someone very close to him. I then find out that when the family got together and he disappeared off with his uncles, they were doing it together.
I don’t know what to do or think or feel. Because of Corona virus, he may have to come home and I don’t know if I want him near me, I don’t know if I can find a way past this and if I do, I don’t know how I wouldn’t be more controlling. I don’t want those particular family members around me and never will but how am I supposed to explain that? I can’t control his life or finances but I feel like I’d need some kind of control.
I also don’t know if I should tell anyone. I’m close to my brother and his sister has been a huge help in the past but his mum couldn’t find out as she already suffers from mental health issues and I think it would break her because I’ve sat with her enough times talking about the person we thought he was and alcohol being the worst.
Can anyone relate? Has anyone got any advice? This is all so new and I don’t know what to think or feel...