Hi everyone! New here and just feeling very confused and sad and looking maybe for some clarity, advice and support.
I've been with my fiance for 3 years and I will admit, it certainly hasn't been the most amazing relationship, but I stayed with him. We are now engaged and supposed to get married in October.
I can't remember at what point during our relationship I found out he was taking adderall, but I honestly didn't think much of it. He was smart and responsible so I assumed what he was taking was a reasonable dose, but I've never used drugs and addiction doesn't run in my family, so its hard for me to put two-and-two together, plus I thought doctors diagnosed appropriately.
Overtime, I noticed his anger and annoyance. He couldn't help himself to point out the smallest things to put me down and make himself feel better. He would blow up at the most ridiculous things. He couldn't have a conversation about an issue with screaming and yelling. So many times, after the blowup, I would literally sit there thinking "What the heck just happened?". It was so crazy to me that he would react the way he did. I'm not sure how to even truly describe how bizarre and off the way his reactions were.
What was even more confusing to me was what he chose to focus on. He said he needed the adderall to be able to "tolerate me", for one, but also focus on work since he is in a VERY high-stress job. But once he finished work, he would play video games for HOURS. I had to force him to eat. In fact, he actually looks kind of malnourished. He never hangs out with his friends. He does nothing to take care of himself like workout or get enough sleep. He will come to bed after 12am, get up at 7am to start work, and the cycle starts again.
Things continued to get worse. EVERYTHING was my fault. I was to blame. He would call me the nastiest names and then tell me I'm the reason our relationship is failing. He would get in my face and scream at me, pound his fist on the kitchen counter, kick me out of the house and so on. So many times I would just stand there while he was acting like that and calmly say "What is wrong with you?". Of course his response was that I was wrong with him.
Anyways, I don't know what to do and I feel stupid for even being in this position. I hate to just accuse someone of being a drug addict but I don't see how that's not the case. The way he's acting just isn't normal. He is in complete denial.