Chat to others: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Hi All,

I am here as I do not know where else to turn! Up until a year ago I had never tried recreational drugs other than cannabis, I then hit 38 and randomly craved Cocaine, I then broke both wrists and used it combined with alcohol to ease the pain.

I am female, have a wonderful Husband and children and am disgusted by my behaviour, it feels like I am in self destruct mode. I don't even enjoy using it. Since the lockdown my use has become more frequent every other day and I only use it if I drink alcohol.

Alcohol has always been my crutch and now it triggers cocaine use.

I wish more than anything that I could go back in time to that first night and never have tried it in the first place. I have not hidden the fact from anyone in fact I have been honest throughout.

I don't want to be that person I look at in the mirror any longer after a bender. I spent 4 years rebuilding a new me after a breakdown and feel all my work is unravelling. I have a septum perforation which I have told no one about but is worrying me constantly, worry leads to alcohol, alcohol leads to cocaine.

I know what I need to do and that is to simply stop - I just feel so lost. I was once the person who helped others with drug problems and in a year I have turned into that person needing help.

Any advice would be welcomed and recovery stories, I cannot go on like this any longer, my family deserve better and so do I.

Many thanks for listening.

Plus your brain will always trick you into getting coke. This is when u need to keep busy. It will make you cause arguments just as an excuse to get it. This is called emotional relapse. Try and plan ahead. Dont go past any places were you have used coke or picked up off a dealer as this triggers it.

Say for instance you have had coke on a key, and you just see a key lying around weeks later. It will remind you of coke and you will be thinking of it. Its crazy. Do you get support off your husband?

I am in the same position as you. But I’m completely on my own , completely solitary throughout this lockdown.

I hope you’re ok? Xx

You OK?

Not sure if you’re asking me or the person I was also replying to 🤷🏼‍♀️