I am here as I do not know where else to turn! Up until a year ago I had never tried recreational drugs other than cannabis, I then hit 38 and randomly craved Cocaine, I then broke both wrists and used it combined with alcohol to ease the pain.
I am female, have a wonderful Husband and children and am disgusted by my behaviour, it feels like I am in self destruct mode. I don't even enjoy using it. Since the lockdown my use has become more frequent every other day and I only use it if I drink alcohol.
Alcohol has always been my crutch and now it triggers cocaine use.
I wish more than anything that I could go back in time to that first night and never have tried it in the first place. I have not hidden the fact from anyone in fact I have been honest throughout.
I don't want to be that person I look at in the mirror any longer after a bender. I spent 4 years rebuilding a new me after a breakdown and feel all my work is unravelling. I have a septum perforation which I have told no one about but is worrying me constantly, worry leads to alcohol, alcohol leads to cocaine.
I know what I need to do and that is to simply stop - I just feel so lost. I was once the person who helped others with drug problems and in a year I have turned into that person needing help.
Any advice would be welcomed and recovery stories, I cannot go on like this any longer, my family deserve better and so do I.
Many thanks for listening.