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Shocked and feeling sad

I am so sad

Yesterday I stumbled across the fact my husband is an addict. He’s admitted it and I’ve found out he’s spent £4200 since Dec on cocaine.

I have been supporting him with what I thought was depression and a major breakdown. It wasn’t at all. It was a huge drug problem.

We have 3 children, a huge mortgage and he says he wants us. He wants our marriage. He is willing to do anything not to loose us.

He is going to pay his whole salary into a joint account and I can move it straight away, so he has no money. He is wanting to see the GP on Monday (discovered all this on a Friday) He has told his sister and she gave him a right telling off. Next he plans to tell his mum.

But why am I terrified I’m making the biggest mistake staying with him?

I know that somewhere inside he’s still there. But am I being a fool? Am I hanging onto someone who isnt there?

Or is it possible that if he’s totally cut off that this will work? No money, no chance of getting drugs?

I feel like I’m grieving, I feel like he’s died and I’m left in that limbo before a funeral

replying to Kklost

I’m lying here awake and so upset.

I can’t believe you have done this

I can’t believe you needed drugs

I can’t believe you have been lying to me about something so dangerous, terrifying

I so scared of you

I so scared at how I am a fool as I had no idea at all.

I was completely blind from this

I feel like you have died and I’m all alone

I can’t see how you will be clean and off drugs

Our sons are so beautiful

Our sons are perfect

Our sons are what I live for

You have failed them

You have done the one thing a parent never does and puts yourself before your child

I am sobbing and have a huge weight on me like I’ve never ever had before. I can’t describe this pain.

Why was your life/our life such a crap place to be?

Why was everything I wanted not enough for you?

Why were me and the boys not enough?

Why did you need this?

You have promised me the most you can.

You have said you will do everything to make this right

You have told me everything I want to hear

You can’t be a statistic and relapse. You can’t do that to yourself or me.

You can’t spout off that you have been clean two days (as I start this from 29th May) and ever take cocaine again.

You can’t ever ever take it again because I won’t survive it. I won’t make this if you do.

I won’t be standing by your side if you slip up even once

I have never ever meant this more - YOU CANT EVER do drugs again. There is no 3rd chance. There will be no family, I will only be here now and never again if you let us down.

You have one shot

replying to Kklost

Erm I'm sure you're letting off steam, however I think perhaps you might need to read about addiction and more specifically cocaine and the effects, especially if it's as heavy as it sounds.

I'm sure you're devastated, however ultimatums never usually works, in fact I think it can have the adverse affect.

Cocaine is such a powerful drug and I'm sure he will need help with this. CA meetings, local drugs service and GP is the first steps.

I think it might help you if you perhaps try not to blame yourself or your family. It's nothing to do with how perfect your family is/was and how great your life is.

Cocaine ruins lives, breaks families and rips people apart. It's the devil drug! It destroyed my family and my lovely loyal man and turned him into a monster!

Now, I hope you are one of the lucky ones and he really does change for you all, however he really needs to do it because he wants too, and work out why he used in the first instance.

Unfortunately we have no power over other people and their choices. And yes the trust is broke, and where drugs are involved lies are always present, along with the other crap that comes along with it.

Keep posting and talking and reading up about cocaine abuse as you might be able to identify some behaviours but also learn new ways to keep yourself safe.

Warm wishes to you

replying to Kklost

Gosh I read your reply and my heart rate when crazy.

I am so naive to this... I don’t know where to turn. I don’t know what to do.

I can’t stand by while he does it again.

But you sound like I am a fool and he will. I’m shitting myself as he just can’t do it again.

I looked at that man and never ever thought he would drug take. I would have stood in court and said to police no, he doesn’t drug take.

I honestly don’t know him.

I want to spin the days forward to when I know these answers.

replying to Kklost

I understand. Im sorry you're feeling this way. You must be in shock. It's awful I know. You're not alone and you're definitely not a fool. You're heartbroken. It's heartbreaking. You need as much support as you can get so talk to friends and family. There is plenty you can do - for yourself. Brace yourself though. I hope he can turn things around I really do. I think you probably need to sit down and have a talk with him about this situation. Try to be patient and lean on one another. It's emotive at the moment. It's not easy at all I'm only to aware of that, however you need to probably start by taking care of yourself. If he wants to change and get help then that's the first step. Maintain some healthy boundaries and stick with them as it might be a rocky road from here on now.

2 replies

replying to Kklost

Thank you.

You are right.

I’ve set my own boundaries and my mum is being so amazing. She really is my rock.

I’m sure loads of women say he has one chance and don’t follow through. But that’s not me, he has one chance and then that’s it. I have 3 beautiful children and will not put them through it.

Today it’s to the GP and banks.

One day at a time.

Thank you for being here and being to the point. It shocked me but I so needed it. It helped me a lot.

replying to Kklost

Hope things get better for you and keep us updated if you wish.

And you're welcome, sometimes it's a harsh reality. I was probably you six months ago or so until I got some hard truths here and others places.

1 reply

replying to Kklost

Do you want to talk about what happened?

It’s ok if you don’t.

I just feel I need to prepare myself and try to be ready.

Today he called GP and GP was brilliant.

He has bloods and an ECG booked for tomorrow. He has been referred to a drug counselling service.

We are then due back to the GP on Friday.

replying to Kklost

Wouldn't wish anyone to be in my position. Take your chance. Dont be like me and be forced to do it separated with no chance of going back.

I'm on day 14 now I promise after 3 days the symptoms disperse. Your head will clear up and your judgements wont be clouded as much. Just do it mate

replying to Kklost

Dazzaot - are you the user? Have your family left you?

I hope you are ok.

Well done for 14 days!

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