So yeah my name is Dazza, I've been addicted to cocaine for 7 years.
I got with my wife 9 years ago. Everything was good I got married to her 5 years ago.
After this I started cocaine. It started as a secret habit that turned into a big problem. Using everyday and its affected everything in my life. I've tried quitting a few times and its never planned out properly.
Recently it got that bad that she said she was talking to someone else and I over reacted and took he car that I wasnt insured on went out and was placed on bail and couldn't see my own children.
Since that day I haven't touched a line. Nothing. I've stopped myself I'm on day 13. The problem I have is that she doesn't want to fix our marriage now. I have looked up the effects of addiction and I've pretty much done everything that it says. I've lied, stolen, been out for days on end off my box and just basically trampled all over her. I've never been violent physically but I guess the mental effects have left its mark.
Right now am set on never touching the drug again because I've lost everything. I'm unsure on what I do rebuilding and regaining trust. I dont want to lose her and I do think it can be fixed but she wont trust anything I say. I really am set this time on not relapsing and sticking with it but I'm punishing myself on the fact I've had chance after chance after chance. Where do I start? What do I do. I've stopped taking any cocaine but shes heard it all before and yeah I just feel lost. She doesn't care.
I dont blame her it's my actions that did this. Is there hope for me and how long will I feel regret for... like I said I wont relapse. We've set up contact with out children I've seen them the last 2 days. I just dont know the way forward.
Basically I'm lost and I will keep doing what I'm doing. What would anyones advice be going forward??? I'm on day 14 and I have a long way to go I know but I'm set on beating this now. I just neee guidance
Really feel like just going. Dont wanna give up but I think I have too now. I hurt that much my head tells me to just go and leave everything. I'm living in so much guilt its unreal. Just feel like going away completely and just starting a whole new life. Really struggling to cope not just because of her it's a combination of things.