Hi All, I’m new here but I have been reading others stories in the background.
So I have been married for just over 3 years and in a relationship with husband for 9 years. We were childhood sweethearts who found each other again.
We share a 6 year old boy and I have a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship, but he has raised her from being 3 and she calls him Dad. He loves her as if she was his biological child.
He has been taking cocaine on and off for most of our relationship. Not in front of me. He has months of not taking then something will trigger and it’s in his head and he will drink too much alcohol and usually causes an argument to leave the house and then he won’t come home for 2/3 days at a time. Or until he’s spent his bank account. He has taken my bank cards. Taken money out the cupboards. Stolen from his parents. It’s just a lot.
He’s also turned aggressive when he’s drunk and ‘needs’ his fix. He will do anything to leave the house. He is verbally horrible and has pushed me / pulled my hair in desperation to leave the house.
Sober I can’t tell you how perfect this man is. He is attentive, caring, loving, compliments me every single day, brings flowers and little gifts for us, takes the kids for bike rides, dog walks, football. Works extremely hard on our home and did have a very good job on a building site. We holiday 2/3 times abroad a year and travel the country. We have a good life apart from the addiction.
However, Christmas he became verbally aggressive after alcohol and my sister challenged him. He actually hurt my sister, she doesn’t think it was intentionally just the fact he was drunk and got to close. However, he did end up being punched from her and had a black eye.
I can’t understand how someone can change so much under the influence of drugs and alcohol but believe me he does. He never has anything horrible to say to me sober. We hardly ever argue.
I was having a really bad time in my management job before Christmas and he told me to leave we would manage and my health was more important, so I did. That was October 2019. I struggled being a stay at home mum but have found a little online company to work with.
Then Christmas happened. I had medication changed (antidepressants) and I had a severe reaction. Lost a lot of weight and ended up in a psychiatric hospital. I’m sure it was a combination of Christmas and his drugs / behaviour change and the antidepressants. I was devastated that he’d hurt my sister.
When I came out of hospital I kicked him out. He’s been gone since before lockdown.
He did 10 weeks in a hotel and he got much worse. Drugs, not turning into work and then he said he hit rock bottom. He needed to get help but needed me by his side. He was scared he’d end up dead.
I felt bad so I let him home and after 3 days he didn’t return from work. Went on his binge and lost his job also.
It’s been 3 weeks since and he’s hit an all time low. I’ve never seen him so ill but I’ve also never heard him talk so positive about receiving the help that he’s getting now from a counsellor and GP.
I honestly don’t know what to do. The drug use I knew after our little boy was born and every 3 months or so he goes on a mad binge.
He’s ruined parties, weddings, embarrassed me and the kids so many times with his behaviour. But I want him so desperately to get better and be the sober, good man that we know.
Luckily his boss has said he will give him another chance because he’s getting help. I just don’t know if I believe him. And this violent rage that he had at Christmas has scared me. Does the addiction really cause a gentle man to become so evil?
I like others have severe anxiety caused by this drug addiction. If he’s not home on time I worry he’s ‘on it’. I don’t drink around him so he can’t have too many and ‘need it’. My heart is arguing with my head. I don’t know if I’m finally done even though I love him with all my heart.