I’m feeling overwhelmed my 30 year old son is addicted to drugs and alcohol, we have spells of sobriety but the spells are getting shorter. He still lives at home does not work and has sold everything he owns again. So we are at the stage of constantly asking for money, i day no but he doesn’t listen, in the past he has been violent and aggressive and I needed to call the police. It is wearing me down don’t know where to turn it what to do. The ironic thing is I am a coach in a rehab but coping on a personal level is difficult
I didnt want to read and run.
Can I ask, what drugs is he taking? do you know?
Sending a big hug x
Thank you for your reply, his main go to drug is crack cocaine but he will use anything he can get his hands on, he has adhd and his reason for using is makes him feel normal (his words)
I dont have experience in crack addiction, but I presume its quite similar to cocaine. I dont want to teach you to suck eggs, but can you get him to visit a dr?
Crack is going to kill his pleasure receptors, so that he wont easily find pleasure with anything else. Also the more they do, the more it just becomes that you have to use it to feel normal, not good, just normal. Thats because he's addicted right. Thats why coke and crack are sly drugs, they reel you in with a 'good feeling' then it takes more to achieve that feeling, then you get to the point where your son is now, which is using to feel normal, not even to feel good.
I don't know what to say to help you, can you get him into rehab? Or isnt he interested? If he's not then maybe tough love, he is 30, he has to move out.
We have discussed rehab but he won’t entertain it, I have tried the tough love but he keeps coming back
It always feels like you have to show them what they are missing out on by existing this way.
The problem you have here is that your son has nothing else to think of, I assume no partner, no job, no interests. His world just revolves around that?
You have to be the strong one Molly, he's on a one way street here from what I can see, and its not fair on you.
Have you considered moving away? x
I have but I have grandchildren that I live close to, it’s a difficult one my head agrees with you but my heart is somewhere else. Everyone else has given up on him I get no support from family my saving grace is I have an amazing partner who supports me and handles him really well, he is home at the moment and looks like he will sleep off his latest binge, yet I will be waiting for the next one
He has two girls from two different relationships and the mother of one always stops me from seeing my grandaughter when he is like this. He loved fishing and cycling but sold everything again this time to pay off drug debts because I refuse to bail him out this time
Does or did he take meds for the adhd. This is something I have heard before you know, that taking drugs which would normally cause a neuro typical person to get high, actually level a neuro diverse brain out strangely. I dont know if there is science behind this.
Does he recognise it's an issue?
I will never understand why women stop grandparents seeing their grandchildren because of a grown childs behaviour. You are not him, its not your fault, and its not fair to lump you in the same group.
Maybe you could talk to the mothers to explain how you feel and what you are going through, I can understand why they dont want the children around your son, but you are not a drug addict. They may feel as though you are taking his side and accepting his problem, make sure they know that you are not accepting of it.
Partners of drug addicts are damaged, they've probably been through more than you realise, and they may be scared that you are trying to allow your son to get to them through you. Just make sure they understand that you are at the end of your tether and that you want to have a relationship with your grandchildren, with a sober son, or without him if he cannot be that.
Sending love x