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Theresa

I don’t know what to do my son is in his mid 30’s and has lost his home his car and only goes to work to get money for cocaine. We bought him a small business and a car and told him to pay back what he can weekly. He’s not paid a penny back. We told him he could stay with us as long as he kept his space clean and didn’t smoke the really strong dope as it makes both my husband and I feel physically sick. He kept smoking it and my husband told him to find somewhere else to stay. That was a year ago and he’s came back saying he’s nowhere to go during lockdown. I am shielding and now he’s in our caravan in the garden not going to work borrowing money and saying he’s ill and can’t go to work. My husband has gave up and doesn’t speak to him and is angry at me for letting him stay in the caravan but I’m his mother and don’t know what else to do.

1 reply

replying to Theresa

I sympathise with you I'm also a mother of a son with drug and alcohol problems. It's the hardest situation. Today I told my son who has been in a 2 week bender staying at various place and not socially distancing that I wldnt let him back to live. He was out of his mind on drugs and I have a younger son in the house I didnt want him under our roof in that state. I'm worried sick as I've made him homeless but felt I had

no choice. All the helplines I've spoken to have said as hes an adult he has to seek help himself and I have to let him reach rock bottom. So hard to do but I do feel that his life is making me miserable and I've got to stand firm. Your son is in his forties maybe your husband is right and maybe he also has to reach rock bottom, ? But such difficult choices for mums....they are still our babies. I hope your situation changes for you.

replying to Theresa

Bump22 thanks for replying. In my head I know that I have to stop picking up the pieces but in my heart I’m struggling. I know my son is very manipulating and that I am the only one in the family that he still has a relationship with but he knows that when he does this my husband doesn’t speak to me and just stays away from the house for as long as he can.I know you have made the right decision as you have a younger child you have to put first.

replying to Theresa

well im not sure if it is the right decision, i am worried sick especially as now i don't know where he is and what he is doing.

Its such as a shame as he came back home to live and he did a month of being clean and then relapsed but its such a circle as he doesnt seem to maintain it and wont engage in services he dips in and does one session with a service and then says it doesnt help and so back to square one.

im worried sick im sure he has a mental heal issue now, but its such a hard decision. im stuck between a rock and a hard place, dammed if i do dammed if i dont and im sure you feel the same.

Try not to let him ruin your relationship with your husband otherwise his drug problem is ruining elements of your life and not just his......easy for me to say all this as i know it really feels like a hopeless situation.

Have you received counselling to talk over how your are being affected? Im having some at the moment, its not a magic wand by any means and i wish someone could just tell me the right thing to do but it does make me feel better talking to an outsider and not feel judged, i struggle to speak to friends as i feel so ashamed.

replying to Theresa

I know exactly how you feel and this has been going on since he was 14.Not the coke but he dabbled from that age. This might sound really selfish but I want a life of my own where I’m not stuck in the middle trying to defend him. I honestly think it’s time that I tell him I can’t do this anymore. I went to counseling with my son but it wasn’t for me. Please try to hold your head high. I’m past feeling ashamed as I have other children who contribute to society in a great way. We are not at fault or can be held accountable for our children’s actions.

replying to Theresa

Wow that's the exact age we started having issues with my son..not the drugs but the start of problems..I'm not surprised you've had enough of him. Good luck.

replying to Theresa

I can relate to this my son has stolen from me, a lot of money. I am broken but he is now turning his life around after attempting to end his life because of cocaine i almost lost him

replying to Theresa

D I Cooper this is my biggest fear as both my brother and uncle committed suicide and my son has said that’s how he feels on numerous occasions. Once while I was in hospital with a lung disease he came in to tell me that he was going to do it the night before. I’ve been to doctors and councillors with him and just don’t know what to do

replying to Theresa

Wow that's so hard for you I've also had that 2 days before Christmas in hospital getting his arms stitched up ..not much fun and numerous times he says lifes not worth living. The drugs and alcohol messing with their brain chemistry so much of it is mixed in with mental health issues. But we all have to cling onto hope as they can turn it around and must focus on the success stories.

replying to Theresa

Bump22 I don’t mean this in a bad way but it’s good to talk to someone who knows what you’re going through. I keep hoping he can turn it around. Take care

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