I’ writing this after another night alone in bed whilst he’s sat downstairs sniffing, waking me at 6 this morning asking me to drive him or he will risk driving himself so I stupidly did.
I’m 3 months pregnant, our dream! After 3 miscarriages I finally fell pregnant but it all seems too late.
He is the love of my life!, we are the slightly different dream couple that people envy, I’m 44 he’s 28.
I have 4 amazing loving girls, he only has his mum,
We just fit, or we did, inseparable ever since, that is until this year.
He introduced me to different drugs, mdma, coke, ecstasy. Always on a really careful level, together and safe as possible.
And then last year the man who brought him up died unexpectedly.
Life changed, he’s buying 2 or 3 tickets every other night, he’s using beans and Valium to get rest.
He has no patience, I can’t speak without him shutting me down, yet he writes me messages about how I can change.
He has no money, he gambles or borrows or will even drive for his dealers.
This is my man! The amazing man I fell for, and he’s gone.
He cry’s happy tears over our baby, promises to change.
I can’t speak to anyone about this, I just want him to stop or see what’s going on.
I stopped way before I fell pregnant, I stopped drinking and vaping, I have a huge reason.
He’s drinking so much as well, my house has a smell of smoke and alcohol, it’s disgusting. I can’t help regretting our baby yet it’s all I’ve prayed for for years, I don’t want this to be our life.