Help ! Need advice . My RAH has been sober for 5 months what he did in his addiction which spanned across 18 months was horrifying - verbal and mental abuse stalking paranoia and a list of disgraceful behaviours which ripped our family apart affecting our combined teenage children , humiliated us in our home area and destroyed our financial standing and affected my career - I kicked him out after he threatened suicide in front of us and lied about his addiction to cocaine .
He has been attempting to ‘ repair ‘ all the damage he has done ( his words ) - doing jobs around the house , helping out has gone some way to address the financial trauma he caused . To date I’ve allowed him to the house to have family meals - he asked for the same this weekend which I said yes to he then asked to have dinner alone with me on the day before - immediately I went back into my fear and trauma reactions ( a lot of his verbal abuse used to happen when we were alone in the house ) . We only communicate on email and I just gave it to him both barrels in several messages listing out everything he did all the pain he caused I told him no to the meal with me and now no to the family meal too etc etc etc he has not messaged since . This was several days ago .
He has started his amends process and I know is trying really hard . I now feel bad even though everything I said to him was true . Should I apologise for my reaction ? I’m so worried if I apologise he will manipulate this .... he says he is ‘ recovered ‘ but I still have the image of the cocaine fuelled monster in my mind :(