Hubby had a major cocaine problem that ended with us separating for 3 years although we continued to be together during that time. He turned his life around, has an amazing job, is a wonderful dad and husband except....the past couple of months he’s started to withdraw from me, sleeps in another room, if he’s not at work he’s asleep, no sex drive, EXTREME mood swings, and drinking a little too much a little too often. Then I noticed in the spare room he’s torn rectangles of paper off of letters....my guess is they’re being used to roll up and sniff cocaine? A couple of weeks ago I thought his eyes looked funny, and he had a really runny nose a couple of times. Am I being paranoid? I’ve ordered cocaine wipes that’ll be here today so I can go over the shelves etc in the spare room like I’m some sort of detective. Feels like I’m going crazy!?!?!
I'm sorry but this doesn't look good - a lot of the things you mention point to using. Do you share a bank account? Can you see if money is disappearing? I should imagine those wipes are going to come back positive and you need to think about your next steps.
Thanks for your reply Lemony. They did come back positive and yes I’ve noticed money disappearing. I spoke to him and told him I loved him and that I knew he was taking cocaine and that if he wanted my help I am right here. He denied denied denied and I ended up giving him a bag of his stuff and he’s gone off somewhere. I think he’ll get back in touch when he’s calmed down but if he doesn’t then that’s up to him. I don’t know how else to help or what to say to make him see I’m here and that what he’s been doing is wrong. Thankfully our kids are used to him working odd hours so they’ve gone to sleep happy as ever.
It's devastating. I persevered for years although my husband denied ad naseum and only when the evidence was overwhelming (I caught him in the act) did he confess and only then to a fraction of what was really going on. It took another 18 months for me to leave, and now he is doing well at last, at least for now.
He's got to want it for himself and knowing you are going to lose everything is sometimes not enough.
The thing is, when you've been around it before, you know, you just know. You still need concrete proof (test/swipes) but you already knew didnt you.
Its actually quite easy for the partners to see slight changes, that they themselves don't ever see. I can even tell by my husbands text message tone (because he's uses a slightly different language), they lack appetite - thats an easy one to spot if you cook for him etc etc.
My husband is 8 months clean after 20+ years of first recreational, then daily use, with breaks here and there. I'm constantly on edge still. Certain people he occasionally sees trigger worry in me, but I have to trust him.
Like Lemony says, they have to want to stop themselves, nothing you or his kids can do/say will change that it he's not bought in, or doesnt see it as a problem.
Sending hugs xx