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Need to chat with others who are going through the same situation

Hi all, need to get this off my chest, this is my first time of actually reaching out to people who are in the same situation.

My Son who is 29, has been in Rehab twice this year, for Alcohol and Cocaine addiction. He went 100+ days clean the first time, but unfortunately relapsed. He went back to rehab (not the cheapest option, but a wonderful place), he done his 28 days and then went to a “dry house” for 4 weeks, has been at home for about 2/3 weeks now.

It has been a lot better, he has been calmer and more helpful and so much better with his daughter (she lives with her Mum, but we have lots of contact).

He has been doing meetings everyday, sometimes twice a day, he has a sponsor, to enable him to go through the 12 steps of recovery.

I went out with friends last night, I felt really nervous about going, but he reassured me that he would be fine. He sent me a txt and said that he had had a drink, no drugs, so I came home, we chatted, no good getting angry, I find that this does not work.

He has not come out of his bedroom today, probably feels ashamed and guilty, and me, I just feel very confused.

I know that this is an illness, but he has been so positive, it’s like a slap in the face again. I know that I could never go back to living the way we lived before, think that would just about break me now.

I have read a few of the stories and can relate so much to them.

Thank you for reading.

replying to Debc

Hi debc

I just sent a post but it's on another thread. I've just read your story. My 27yr old son is the same. My heart is broken with all the stuff my family has had to go through at least 10yrs.

I truly hope the rehab works fir your son.

I feel I can't move on with my life until he's moved on and happy in his life .

Thank you for sharing

Lx

replying to Debc

Hi, I replied to you on the other post, thank you for reading, it’s great to know we can share our stories.

Like you I feel that my life is on hold till he sorts his out.

Dx

1 reply

replying to Debc

Hey deb

With addicts it's all or nothing, I know because I am one and this is how I think. He probably feels ashamed and guilty. Obviously abstinence is key, but focus on all the good stuff he had done here and try to relay that to him. Definitely don't give up, this is a lifelong battle one day at a time.

replying to BT1978

Hi BT1978,

Thank you for replying.

He does feel ashamed and guilty, and I tell him that it’s a blip and to get back on track the next day.

I think you have it so right when you say, it is a lifelong battle, hopefully one that he wins.

Take care

D

1 reply

replying to Debc

Hiya deb, I'm struggling with a cocaine addiction, I'm 2 weeks clean today. You probably know this anyway, but alcohol is the main trigger to get coke, I can have drink then I'm texting dealers.

So your son shouldn't drink at all. Not after putting all that effort in anyway. He's done well. Do you think he got some coke then?

Another thing what I've learned is, when I have been clean for 2 or 3 month. I think it's OK to have a drink. I'm cured now, what a big mistake. Cocaine is a sneaky drug, it's like a devil and angel on each shoulder saying, get some, don't get some.. Constantly. Your brain is that clever, it can stay silent for a few week, then put you into situations we're you can get coke. As it's craving coke.

I personally think you have to be clean for a good year before you think you can be alright.

If your son has lapsed. Tell him it's not the end of the world, it's just a little blip and get back on track. It's part of recovery. He's done well so far. But if he's telling you he's OK at 2 3 month clean and he's having a drink. I'd put my foot down and say no, but that's up 2 u. Good luck

2 replies

replying to Debc

Danman you should be so proud of yourself. Im sure you've read my posts too.

My son also told me that alcohol is the trigger so complete abstinence is the only way to beat the cycle.

My son was doing so well last year, attending meetings, contacting his sponsor doing the 12 steps. We were lured into a false sense of security. Didn't realise they could relapse.

He's really angry at me today. Saying I'm uncaring not helping him. Not being a mother to him. He's refusing to take the groceries I got for him, he said he doesn't want any more contact with me

I'm so low. I tried to contact him again but he's ignoring me.

Lx

replying to Danman83

Hi Danman83,

Thank you for replying and well done on being clean for 2 weeks, that’s a great start.

My Son tells me about his head and telling him to have one drink, it will be fine, that must be awful to deal with for anyone.

I told him it was just a blip and today is another day, he has been into meetings today and spoke to his sponsor.

I hope your recovery journey goes well.

Take care.

Dx

replying to Lindyloo

Hi Lindyloo loo,

I would leave him today, which I know is hard, but I know from experience it doesn’t do any good and they just get more angry.

Sometimes we just have to think of ourselves for a change, but they are always there in our head and our heartS.

Dx

replying to Debc

Thanks debc, I'll do that .I'm exhausted, and my head is all over the place.

Thanks again for your support, it really means a lot to me.

Lx

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