: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

3 replies

Crack Addicted Mum

Please can someone offer me some advice?

I cut my mum out of my life about 6 months ago... she has always been a bad alcoholic (I have tried all my life to help her to no avail and finally realised there was nothing I could do to help). Her drinking was destroying my own life and my mental health and relationship with my partner so I cut her off.

She came into some money recently (not good news at all when the person is an addict) and she has gone from bad to worse. I heard today she is now addicted to crack cocaine and it has completely destroyed me. I can't stop thinking about her sat there getting high, smoking crack... she's my mum and I am so angry at her and it hurts so much... what can I do to try and get over this/stop thinking about this? She's 60 years old for god's sake....

Please can someone offer some advice because I am driving myself insane and it is affecting my life again...

Thank you

replying to Salboo

Salboo, so so sorry to read your situation. My boyfriend is a life long crack addict, I know first hand what it does to the user and to anyone in their life. You’re clearly very worried about her, so you must have found it really hard to cut her out six months ago. It could be a blessing in disguise that you’re back in touch, all be it for bed circumstances.

Do you know what started your mums addiction and who, if anyone she’s involved with got her into it?

Having addiction in the family is such a heartbreaking thing. No matter how much much you want for someone you love to see how dangerous and harmful what they’re doing is, you’re also helpless as trying to reason with them can only lead to arguments and frustration, and even make the problem worse.

My only advice to you, and it’s not professional, just from my first hand experience, is to try not to fight the addiction for her. Perhaps instead try to establish why she’s got into this position in the first place.

Is your partner supportive of you in helping her?

Thinking of you, sending care xxx

replying to Salboo

I had an ex addicted to crack. I usecto think hecwas making it up but his selfishness and crazy life got worse. It sounds hopwfully tat yiur mum is early in the crack stage. My unprofessional advise is get in touch at arms length. She is lost and clearly having a bad time in life and thatvif she wants to have a better life yiud be in it with her, but she must getcaway from anyone who has a drink or drugs habbit. It will be tough but she will get through it.

This is a really tough one and sorry your going through this. Do not ket it affect your self esteem or life. Its okay to feel uoset about this but keep your head high and sleep well knowing yiure offering an olive branch. Key is to rember its not you and she is lost. If she wants to continue in tge darkness tgis may take longer during which step back with firm belief that if sge wants a nicer life your there.

Much love xx

replying to Salboo

Thank you both for your replies, I did find comfort that you understand. It's such a horrible situation because there is no win... I leave her to it and I'm in despair and when I try to be there for her she throws it in my face and hurts me to the core.

It's all a huge mess. Like I said she has always been a non-functioning alcoholic (due to many traumatic life events) and has dabbled with all sorts of drugs, anything she can get her hands on. She has been in and out of rehab and has catagorically told me she does not want to get better... she has told me so many times, don't bother because this is how I want to be. She enjoys the lifestyle... it was when she came into the money that it all went so badly wrong... usually, if she didn't have money for a drink (I certainly would never give her money), she would withdraw for a few days (or however long until she got some money) and then go crazy again... but the periods of her having no money were a slight break where she would be OK again. But with this money there is none of that because she can always have more and more and more.

It sounds insane (and please don't see this as a reflection on me as I find it just as insane as anyone else would) but it's actually my ex partner that has been getting the crack for her (probably in an attempt to punish me after we split) and of course all the old 'mates' have come out of the woodwork now she has some money... didn't care whether she was alive or dead before the money and now she has a house full.

I have heard from various family members who have tried to help her in recent months that she has been nasty to them and told them to **** off and so everyone has given in now... however my aunty got in touch with me earlier today and said she has been trying to ring her for about a week now and can't get hold of her so she is going round tonight... she honestly can't last much longer living this life.... the last time I saw her she was emaciated and literally on another planet, she has a list of ailments and like I said she's 60 now so I feel like every time a family member gets in touch with me it's to tell me the news I really don't want to hear.

Please abide by our forum guidlines.

This forum uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

We use optional analytics cookies to help us improve our site by collecting and reporting anonymous information on how you use it.