: Bereavement

Get support following a drug or alcohol related death

3 replies

My ex partner has just died

Hi everyone, not really sure what I'm looking for here. My ex partner of ten years was found dead on Wednesday morning. I don't have all the details yet but am in touch with his brother who is going to let me know more as he finds out.

He was an alcoholic. He continued to message me long after I had completely distanced myself from him. I last replied to him in July and was awful to him, as he said awful things to me. I have completely ignored his messages since then.

I feel so guilty. Like I should have stuck it out longer and tried to help more. But it came to the point where my mental health was suffering. I just wonder if it would have come to this, if I had taken him back. Sorry I'm rambling. Just looking for someone to talk to in a similar situation. Thanks.

replying to Murphygirl

Hope you are OK. I've never been in this situation, but I wouldn't beat yourself up about it too much. I'm a cocaine addict and have been clean 7 weeks now. Us addicts can only take so much help it is mainly down to us. In fact it is just down to us. We can't blame people for our own problem. I have had countless arguments with my gf, she's dumped me and so on. All because of my addiction, it ruins family's. But in the end its only us who can get us out of this mess.

It's natural for you to think about the what ifs? One last chance with him? And so on. I wouldn't worry too much, I imagine you did your best, and he would of known this, and both forgiven each other deep down. Just be happy for the good memory's you had together.

Hope this makes sense, I'm no good at this and no one replied to you. No one who has passed on would want someone blaming them self's for there death. Try not to worry to much. Try and say a little prayer to him. Hope this helps ❤️

replying to Murphygirl

I am so sorry for your loss!

Please don’t ever blame yourself for something you can not control.

There are multiple reasons why someone might fall into an addiction, of course, no reason is a justification, however, if someone wants to change they should be willing to change.

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 2:9

Look at yourself in the mirrror today, tell yourself “I am beautiful. I forgive myself.”

Truly believe it.

Everyday that goes by if you tell yourself something positive, your negative thoughts will change.

I wish you best of luck!

God bless!

replying to Murphygirl

Dear Murphygirl, I am very sorry for your loss and the terrible pain and rollercoaster of emotions that you have experienced re your expartner being found dead, This is a tragedy and is heartbreaking . Your last correspondence contained not nice communication and that is preying on your mind. It is important to remember that you only use this type of communication with someone when you have feelings for them (not always positive but they say that love and hate are closely related). You were together for ten years which is a long time. Your description of you thinking that you should have hang on in there with him to help him is something that many people in your situation might feel compounds your guilt. I also know that most people will realise that sometimes the only way out is to leave and say goodbye. Staying with an addict in the hope that it will help them recover whilst the situation is slowly destroying you does little to support the addict. I am very sorry for your loss. Please take some comfort from this response and the others also. The love and shared experiences you shared will never go away. My own personal experience enables me to empathise with some of the rollercoaster of emotions that you are feeling. Please take care and seek comfort from the communication with your ex partner's brother

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