: Bereavement

Get support following a drug or alcohol related death

14 replies

I'm struggling

Hi, I just lost my husband 2 months ago to alcoholism.....alcohol poisoning. We were divorcing and this is the result. I feel guilty, but i tried EVERYTHING I knew too. Myself and our daughters begged and pleaded for more than 10 years...nothing could reach him. He'd make promises....improve for a couple of weeks and then the lies and sneaking would start all over again. I had reached the point where it was ruining our lives and home...we had to have a stop to it. I watched the man I loved....(still love) slowly slipping away until he was completely gone. Its devastating! We are left with Mountains of debt, no life insurance, and two children. He was such a smart man.....it took his job, his family, then him. I've been with him since I was 15...together for 32 years....I dont know where to even begin without him.

replying to jtekg4

Hi jtekg4,

I know you feel guilty, but dont you dare! You did everything in your power to help that man, all while looking after 2 children! 32 years is a long time but you will pick yourself up.

In a few years all your friends and family will be wondering, how you did it and how did you cope so well? but at the end of the day, you just do. You get things done and you cope.

You've made it this far...don't underestimate yourself.

replying to jtekg4

Hi jtekg4

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a loved one is difficult enough without addiction being involved.

Please don't feel guilty. A person who has addictions will always blame everyone else for their problems. Im sure your husband is at peace now, but I feel sad for the suffering and debt that's been left for you.

I feel you need advice and support, either from the Icarus trust, or a bereavement group.

In the meantime you and the family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Take good care of yourself ❤

Lx

replying to jtekg4

Hi jtekg4.....so sorry for your loss....truly awful....I feel heartbroken for you and your family.

My wife is sadly a functioning alcoholic. I’ve tried for years to get her to go to rehab but she won’t go.

Getting to the stage where I’ve become the ‘target’ now. Everything I do or say makes her angry and therefore into a binge cycle....I feel your pain and fear I will end up in your position.

However, neither should you or are you responsible for someone else’s addiction....so guilt isn’t a factor....do what you’re so clearly winning at....continue to be a mother....you’ll get through it.

1 reply

replying to jtekg4

I am so very sorry that you are in this place Sean. I know how isolated it can make you feel. It's like watching a train wreck and you cannot do anything to stop it. If you ever need to talk please know that I am here. I loved my husband with all that I am, but I just couldn't reach him. I was powerless....it has to be their choice to get better. I understand what you are going through. You and your wife are in my prayers.

replying to jtekg4

It just feels so hopeless sometimes doesn’t it....thank you for taking the time to reply when you’re dealing with so much yourself....feels nice to know I’m not alone actually....hopefully we can help each other on the road ahead....

1 reply

replying to jtekg4

Yes, it certainly does. I know exactly what you are going through. I remember the phase you are in all to well. Everything was my fault. It's important to remember that you are not alone, being in this situation makes you feel very isolated. I hope and pray that your situation ends up differently than mine. At least you still have the hope that she could recover. It's even harder when that hope is gone.

replying to jtekg4

Hi,

Thanks again for your time....it’s really appreciated....with your sad experience with this living Hell, is there anything you could suggest trying? Or maybe an organisation i could reach out for....I know it’s clutching at straws but I’m not sure what else to do....

1 reply

replying to jtekg4

Have you tried AL-anon, AA, marriage counseling?

1 reply

replying to jtekg4

As of yet, even after 10yrs of deterioration sadly not. My wife just will not accept she has a serious problem....

.....I haven’t suggested‘ marriage counselling however, have always assumed the drinking must be addressed first....but yes, I give it a go!

Thanks

Sean

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