Chat to others: Share Your Story

Hi,

I've joined this forum hoping to talk to someone that can relate as I know there will be alot of people out there in the same or similar situation as me and my family.

My dad has been drinking alcohol for as long as I can remember (I'm 29) He's never been a violent alcoholic, growing up my mum was a stay at home mum looking after 2 kids while my dad worked and financially supported us which is what he uses against my mum if she ever tries to get him to stop drinking or refuses to get his alcohol from the shops. So he could be mentally abusive at times.

Fast forward a few years, his health has really gone down hill, he has cirrhosis of the liver, his memory is really bad, he has seizures, he's always in pain and can hardly walk, my mum has to help him around the house but he still drinks and won't give up, it's like he's just given up on life and doesn't care if he dies.

I just don't know what to do anymore, one minute I'm angry at him because of everything my mum has to deal with then the next I feel sorry for him because he has this horrible addiction.

Is there anyone else in a similar situation?

(sorry for rambling)

Thanks

Hey,

I can 100% relate to this. I'm 30 and my Dad has been an alcoholic it turns out most of my life also. He is also at a stage now where we are just waiting for it to kill him as he has completely given up on life. Unlike your Dad mine was occasionally physically abusive to my mum and they are no longer together but he lives with his elderly mother and this enables him to drink still.

I completely understand your feelings of anger and then heartbreak at the same time though.

Can you see if there is a support group you (and your mum) can join, I joined one local to me about 6 months ago and it is the best thing I have ever done. Speaking with others in a similar situation and learning about enabling and other things has been so beneficial for me. I also started going to art therapy, which was a safe place for me to feel like I can get all the anger and hatred I feel for him at times out, so it wasn't just whirling around in my head anymore. I was in a bad place a few months ago but I feel like a different person now and the guilt I had has gone now which was one of the things I struggled the most with.

Natalie

Hello,

I'm sorry to read of your dad's problems with alcohol, how ill he is and how thsi makes you feel. I'm so glad that you've found this forum as you will see that there are many people having to cope with the same sorts of issues as you. if you would like more support please contact us at The Icarus Trust. we are a charity that offers support to the families around those with addictions as we know hpw hard this can be. If you get in touch you could speak with one of our family friends who will tell you what support is available. Maybe speaking to one of them will help you to make some sense of how you are feeling.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

Hi, I'm in the exact same situation. My dad has never been violent, but is really verbally abusive when he is drunk, and will not leave me and my mum alone and always comes looking for an argument. I don't know what to do anymore either. My mum wants to leave him but he says he will kill himself if she does. But I want my mum to be happy. But I also feel sorry for him because if my mum does leave him there is the chance he will go even more downhill.

Thanks for sharing your story. It really makes me feel better knowing that people are going through similar things.

Hi Natalie,

Thanks for replying. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad and I'm sorry to hear that he is physically abusive, that must be really tough on you and your family. It's so hard isn't it when you love your dad but you hate him for what he's putting you through.

Art therapy sounds like a great idea I am going to look into that!

Hi,

Thankyou very much.

Hi,

Thanks for replying.

I'm sorry to hear your going through this too.

That sounds just like us, my mum tried leaving him last year and he went really downhill and needed caring for so she went back because she feels guilty, even though its not her fault at all.

We have been told now if he doesn't stop drinking he won't have long to live and he's just started again, so I don't know whats going to happen now.

Has your dad ever tried getting help, like rehab or counselling?

Thank you for sharing your story too :)

Hello,

Sorry for the late response.

Yes, he has tried many times, but just because we were forcing him too. He never thought he needed to change, so it has never worked. :(