Hi to anyone reading this and thank you for giving your time.
I’ve posted on here before for advice about my partners drinking and drug use, and things have since escalated (I made the mistake of posting on a more general forum for advice but most people didn’t understand the anguish of being with someone with these issues and I was told by so many people that I have no self respect / esteem / self worth etc. So that was pretty painful - please be kind).
I broke up with my partner at the weekend and I’m heartbroken (I’m 27 and he’s 28 and we have been together for 2 years). We got on really well except for problems related to this issue.
I can count on one hand the amount of weekends that we have actually spent together because one day is always dedicated to getting drunk and taking coke with his mates. I have no issue with him seeing his friends but they always just get off their faces all night until the early morning hours and he is then hungover all weekend (when he has planned to see me). I have lost count of times this has happened and I have been cancelled on. He also engages in risky behaviour like getting in cars with people who have had a lot to drink and he doesn’t see my issue with this. He just tells me not to worry and it’s ‘his life to live’.
Things came to a head a couple of weeks ago as he saw his mates after work on Friday night and I hadn’t heard from him by 3pm the following day. I was worried about him and went to check on him and found him still drunk with a beer in his hand with one of these friends. I decided to break up with him once he’d sobered up, but he convinced me he would prove he could get this under control and I really thought I’d got through to him.
Fast forward to this weekend, we arranged to see each other on Saturday night (he is my lockdown bubble as I live alone, whereas he still sees his mates regularly so this is an issue in itself). On Friday, he tried to say he had forgotten that he was suppose to be seeing a friend. I was annoyed but tried to compromise and said I could come later after he had seen said friend. However he refused and we argued as it was only the week before that he convinced me I was a priory to him (he said he doesn’t like ‘bouncing around like that’, yet there has been plenty of times where he has been with me and left to go and meet his friends so this is very hypocritical).
I accepted defeat and said I would just meet him on Sunday instead and he used this as an excuse to meet his usual group of mates. It got to 1:30am and he text me (without me asking) to say he was going home soon as he knew it was important to me that he knows when to call it a night. However (and this is what I feel bad for), he still uses an app with his location attached and he posted a picture to this app outside of his house, presumably to make me believe that he was at home. However his location showed that he had actually then got into a car and carried his night on elsewhere. I asked him outright where he was and he said at home and so I called him out for lying and he made a bullshit story up.
The next day, he blew up at me and basically blamed me for how he was feeling and said that I have ground him down and he feels like he is living in a ‘glass house’. He said I don’t make him feel loved (despite looking after him in every way and being there every time to pick up the pieces when he is on a comedown). I have been so patient and tried to understand his point of view, but he has pushed me too far this time. It breaks my heart that he views this group of mates as the most amazing people in his life and I’m just a nag that is grinding him down, when in the grand scheme of things they are dragging him down and I am trying to get him out of this mess. He says I’m like a teacher rather than a partner now, but what does he expect when he acts like a
16 year old?! I am just so sad at how we ended up as we used to be so happy, but when I look back he has always centred everything around his friends. I just totally give up and can’t have him making me feel like I am to blame for the demise of the relationship. I would not be getting on his back about this if he actually stuck to his word and tried to sort it out 😔
Any advice or support would be welcome...