: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

3 replies

Newly separated from alcoholic partner, struggling!!

Hi, I'm new on here and to be honest, never thought I'd need to here.

I've been with my partner 10yrs, lived the tireless life of lies, deceit, debt( caused by him), guilt, hidden bottles, drink driving, police coming to the house as kids were terrified on a couple of occasions- you get the jest? And the final straw came 2 weeks ago when he was found drunk in our local town at lunchtime, I picked him up, packed his stuff and told him I can't do this anymore.

My depression and anxiety is through the roof, I've had to take time of work, I work nights and my eldest child would ring on every one of my night shifts scared and crying as my partner would be drunk in charge of the kids, which then affected my ability to do job.

I feel angry that I still love him dearly, the sober version of him anyhow, Have I made the right decision ? I'm struggling with my guilt. I keep telling myself, this is what he needs realisation of what hes lost. He says he wants to stop, and Is seeking help, but then I get the phone calls where I know hes had a drink but hes trying to act sober.

I'm trying to be positive but after losing all my trust through the years of lies, and me believing ( stupidly) his words of, I'm cutting down, I'm sorry for what I'm putting you all through etc it's hard to see a way forward, I hope he gets the help he needs, and I hope I stop feeling so shit for not being able to stop this, it's so heartbreaking.

replying to Victom

Thank you for posting and sharing your story. I'm sorry that you feel so guilty about the decisions you are making around your partner's drinking and are feeling depressed and anxious. It's very hard what you are going through.

If you would like some support please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for people in the same situation that you find yourself in. We have trained and experienced people who you could talk with. They are good listeners and would understand what you are dealing with and may be able to help you make sense of how you are feeling.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

replying to Victom


thanks for sharing your story , its a similar story to ours with my sibling , as a family we have tried all ways tough love , being supportive etc etc but we have had to walk away . Every time they fall and like you have to be returned by the Police or we are called they have gone to a hospital , or been found asleep on a park bench it draws you back in , helping advising , the guilt when you stop is painful , i keep telling myself its not me or my other sibling that is drinking , but its so hard when you just want the person you no and love back . Stay strong x

replying to Victom

Thanks for your reply, I thought I could see it through and support him, but time after time, apology after apology it takes its toll on everyone, it's so bloody hard knowing I can't change or stop it for him. I don't want the relationship to end, I am hoping the time apart will get him focused and see what he has at home. Trying to be positive, I suppose I want someone to tell it's all gonna work out, but I know itll be along emotional journey with an unclear outlook. Which is sad.

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