I can relate to you on this, I lost my dad is June last year to alcoholism. We were by his bedside for 5 days while he died.
It started years and years ago with my dad, he was so sneaky at hiding his drink and we all didn’t have any idea. That was until we thought he had a stroke and the ambulance came out. Dad couldn’t stand on his feet and we didn’t know why. Turned out he was just drunk... highly embarrassing as a family.
Then years later he said all along he had stopped but we knew he didn’t. I posted on here for support of his drinking as I caught him and he tried to deny it but I seen it with my own two eyes... he was dead 5 weeks later.
He left behind me, my mum, 3 brothers and 3 grandchildren.
I often ask myself... why did he pick drink over us all? Why was that his option, did he want to die? Etc.... I said some nasty stuff to him and didn’t go to him and my mums house much because I hated seeing him drunk. I still feel guilt over this.
Like you I have hardly heard from any friends and I certainly haven’t seen them. It’s a very lonely time. I have a amazing partner so I am lucky that way.
You’re mum only died 8 weeks ago.. you have to give yourself time to grieve. You have to take each day as it comes. Don’t be hard on yourself. You will go through 100 emotions every single day, sad, angry, happy, resentment, relief and the list goes on.
I coped with exercise, thinking of the good times, childhood memories etc.
Take care of yourself, don’t be hard on yourself! X