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Really annoyed with myself cocaine

So I had a massive cocaine problem spending min £200 a week sometimes double that and been doing it for the last ten years and I’m 30 soon as it was killing me and my mental Heath was suffering aswell

September last year was when I last done some and been doing really well but wednsday I spent nearly £500 and been up since on it I was doing so well hopefully this is just a relapse and I won’t be temperd to get anymore.

1 reply

replying to Jayjames

Hiya mate I'm 2month clean now. You did well for to stop that long. How did you do it?

I've just joined CA. Have u been?

replying to Jayjames

It’s normal to relapse and the fact you’re annoyed with yourself shows that you’re on the path to full recovery

Stop beating yourself up but be proud that you can see your mistake and continue your recovery

Was there a particular trigger that caused the relapse? If so avoid that in future be it alcohol, a certain person

1 reply

replying to Danman83

Thanks, it’s been hard work but I had no choice it was affecting my health, I lost my business as spending all money on Coke and would of soon lost my house if carried on and seeing my mum and nan in tears, I havnt been to any services yet but going to look in to it over the weekend as got such bad craving for the stuff on wednsday and my problem once I’m on it I don’t stop

replying to Jayjames

If u got to the CA website. They have online zoom meetings. You can do the ones in your area or any. I always said I would never go to CA as I hate speaking in public and the god aspect of it all. But I did 2month ago and am feeling great. Its not all about god. You can have your own higher power. And you swap nums with other addicts and you text or talk each day to them and your sponsor. Honestly it helps so much. But u also have to delete all dealers nums, come off social media if you can, because u can message dealers on there. I had to stop because of the downers for days and feeling suicidal. It's not worth it one bit. Just ay the tape through and tell your self do u want to feel shit in the morning.. You did well before mate. Just keep going and don't give up. What made you want to use again?

replying to Jayjames

So I lasted two weeks and got on a two day binge again, definitely going to look at ca tomorrow think that will help if I can call someone when feel like doing it

1 reply

replying to Jayjames

There is more than that tho mate. You have to work the 12 steps as well.

replying to Danman83

Ya that’s what I mean mate gives you some kind of straictre to keep to if I can quit and not do any from sep to febiary I can definitely do it again

1 reply

replying to Jayjames

Ye u did really well getting that much clean time mate. 👍👌

1 reply

replying to Danman83

I hope you don't mind me messaging you both on here, but what you said Jay about messaging when you want to do it is so true. Don't you find when your either on it or on the come down you want to either talk about it or get help but then you sober up and just imagine like nothing happend and forget about it? I've wanted to get help so many times when it's 4am and I'm off my nut but then the next day when I should be making calls or doing something about it I refuse to think about it.

Dan, I've read so many of your posts and you really have been helping so many people on here and have been so honest about what it's really like so massive respect to you on that mate we all know how hard it is.

Can i ask you about the CA stuff? What is it really like and what's involved? And Jay if you want someone to start doing it with and you want to I'd be happy to sign up and start the same time and keep in touch through this forum to keep eachother motivated

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