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My partners addiction

Hello everyone, And thanks for taking the time to read my post.

I would appreciate any feedback back.

So me and my partner have been together for 16 years I'm 32 his 33.

His addiction is meth from the age of 19.

He doesn't use everyday all day its an occasional thing but he lies every time when doing it.

His addiction has lead to me moving homes several times my household items sold or destroyed.

Or Having to hide away from his out- breaks when coming down from meth.

He has been to jail for 2 years from a restraining order he breached and domestic violence against me.

After 8 years if this we took a 2 year break.

In this time he seemed to get his life together so I took him back.

It has been 4 years and not a single drama he had full time work and our life was peaceful we got engaged saved money for a house deposit and I also found out I was having our 3 baby......... until

6 months ago I saw slight changes in him and poor choice in the people he was socialising with.

I spoke about this with him and suggested its probably not the best idea .

(I mean you wouldn't take an alcoholic to a pub and ask them to sit there ) would you ?

So socialising with other drug users can't be the best choice.

So last week he was going for a drug test for work I called him to see how it went.

After a long story he basically told me he missed the appointment and won't get the job.

I called the place and apparently he never even showed up.

I then rang him to see where he was and he was at this same friend's house again.

After our phone call I continued to clean the house and then my phone beeps....

my bank has advised me $11 was spent at our local chemist.

So I called him back to see what the purchase was as I was concerned he might not be feeling well.

He said just pain killers because he had a headache.

Something was telling me to got to the chemists and check.

So I did ...

I went to our local chemist and ask for a receipt from the transaction record.

She said ( fit pack ) not pain killers.

So basically syringes to inject the substance.

I was so hart broken and basically had a melt down in our chemist.

He didn't even seem to care how upset I was over the phone.

He Returned to our home the next day

And starts abusing me.

I asked him to rather leave.

The police arrived at my house to give him a moved on notice for 24 hours.

The situation escalated soooo much because he was high.

The police officer arrested him and now he is back in prison.

I don't know how to feel or what to do anymore.

I'm feeling so drained

I'm concerned for my safety when he is released.

I have gone and applied for a VRO but it hasn't stopped him before.

Has anyone got any advice will this always be the case ?

Even if you give substance up is the urge always there ?

I have no family or friends and can't seek advice or talk to anyone close.

I'm trying to stay strong for my 3 children but it's so hard I'm just not coping.

1 reply

replying to 2468anyadvice

Hello I have just read your post, and to be honest I'm glad you mentioned the fit pack, because I really didn't have a clue what this was untill my partner of 7 years said he was instead.of now snorting cocaine he was injecting it. To be honest it could be something more than cocaine but where he lies so much I would never know. He has been on a disappearing act for the last week now, only.coming back when the money is drained I'm guessing. I just find the whole thing so stressful, everyday worrying what's going to happen next. They have no thought for anyone but themselves, yet we are the ones worrying sick over them. They become so secretive and try and pull the wool over our eyes but deep down we know from the slightest change what they are up to. I find talking on here really helps me at the moment especially when struggling with what to do next xx

replying to Drained and tired

Thank you for your response,

Yes this life style is very draining.

I actually had no one to talk to about anything.

Luckily good Google took me to this Web site.

Sadly alot of stories are similar

It just so sad.

I have no idea what my next move is. If anyone had asked me 6 months ago. Am I happy !

I would of said yes.

I honestly didn't see my life going back down the same path after 4 years of greatness. This all happened so quickly within 3 months my whole world has been broken.

Iv had his family just show up and collect all his belongings.

I feel like I'm getting the blame for something I had no control over.

I'm still coming to terms with what's just happened.

My poor children 11years 8years and six months don't need to see me so destroyed and constantly crying.

But for some reason I just can't pull myself together anymore.

Maybe its because in our past history it took a few years to all go sour and I left. After he stayed clean for 4 years I really trusted him again and loved this person so much more.

And then too find out its happened all over again I'm so mad and frustrated.

All that trust gone in a second and some how he is finding ways to blame me for his poor choice.

When all I do is care for my children and pay for everything in this house while he has been going around getting high...... omg im such a fool

And now I'm trying to understand how to let go all over again.

1 reply

replying to 2468anyadvice

I know how you are feeling.

Is he home now? When did he last use drugs?

It's like they get caught up with the wrong people and untill all supplies run out they will carry on. Its worrying its stressful and you wish they would just come home and sort themselves. But truth is untill they are ready they will just keep abusing it.

My partner disappeared Monday eve and came back Wednesday eve then dissappeard again on Thursday morning. So am now in limbo as to where he actually is. He's obviously somewhere where the supplies are so he's happy. He hasn't got a phone as he said someone nicked it. So I can't even contact him. It's good to talk because I've been there with my partner many times over many years. Everytime it's the same he says he will get help and change. But it always goes back to the same thing. X

replying to 2468anyadvice

I am so sorry you husband is putting you through all this stress.

I always find it so charming how they get there high why we sit at home getting a low...

So my partner used substance occasionally off and on for 10years.

I was 16 when I met him and kinda didn't know any better. As life went on and I became a first time mum I wanted a change this life style no longer was okay.

My partner did the same thing he would disappear for 3 to 4 days come home give me some sob story shower/sleep and leave the next day... his addiction cause alot of issues and landed him in jail for 3 years. I believe this gave him that break we both actually needed. When he was released he was clean for another 4 years... like I said in my previous post those 4 years were the best of my life nothing could of been better... unfortunately it took a drug dealer moving into our street. A few conversations later good bye happy life. I noticed about 6 months ago things were changing. Behaviour -mouth was dry and jittery. All the symptoms I needed really just not his honesty when I asked...

(are you using again) Of course I got all the stories you would need to be convinced otherwise. I even believe it was me self destroying my relationship maybe even being too paranoid.

Until I got the receipt from the chemist last wensday confirmation he brought a fit pack to inject.

I guess it couldn't be anymore clear and no lie or story could change what I knew... so on Thursday I asked him to leave.. of course he did it was a perfect opportunity to go get high AGAIN.....

He returned on Friday just sitting in my backyard on the table very spokey and yes high as... I asked him to leave as I was feeling unsafe he started yelling at me. I think my neighbours called the police as the came knocking at my door. They gave my partner a move on notice for 24 hours. He absolutely flipped out and took on 5 police officers. He was arrested and is currently waiting in jail for a court hearing. I keep thinking what if I said the wrong thing to him... that could of been me getting attacked. I took a restraining order out so he actually can't come back to the house. I'm sharing this with you because they can change so quickly. I'm not sure how your partner behaves but mine went from the man I would of married to the biggest nightmare within months.. I have no idea how I should be feeling and I guess he won't even care or remember the pain I'm going through.

I have no idea what to do next I'm 35 and I don't want to keep living this up and down life. Iv never touched drugs and I would never touch it. It has destroyed everything in my life already without having tried it.

I hope you are safe and don't spend to much of your time stressing about you husband. I know its hard but they wouldn't be sitting with there dealer discussing or thinking of how upset we are. X

replying to 2468anyadvice

It must be awful for you having to call the police and have him arrested.

My partner hadn't got like that towards me yet and hope he never would, he gets very loud and moody and stresses out and then usually dissapears.

But I like what you said they wouldn't be sitting with there drugs wondering how we are feeling, because they are just enjoying getting high and we are completely invisible to them when this is happening.

If he doesn't show he's face tonight/tommorow then I will have no choice but to pack hes things, as he clearly had no time or thought for me or hes son. He has been given enough chances.

And it's usually the case when the drugs/money have run out then they show there face.

I hope you make the right decision but its not easy. We seem to give them 1000 of chances untill eventually we have enough. Xx

replying to Drained and tired

Hello,

Hope it's okay,

I just wanted to see how you are going ?

Any news with your husband yet ?

I'm here if you need to chat.

Jess

replying to 2468anyadvice

Hiya,

Thanks for replying,

I havnt been doing so well I am not coping very well, I see him Thursday morning, then nothing up to now, I just keep crying, because I can't contact him as he has no phone at the moment. Really hope he turns up tonight xx

replying to 2468anyadvice

Oh no sorry your not doing to well.

I know its hard and somedays are just worse then others.

Did he mention we're he was on Thursday ?

Or even seemed concerned about you?

Could you maybe buy him a cheap phone that he can call you from ?

Would this maybe ease your stress?

The question is would he answer or take your calls.

It may just become another bunch of endless stories why it was stolen or lost .....

They seriously have no idea what they do to us.

I know its really hard and your hurting. But please try stay strong I'm sure your boy needs you and he would want you to be happy.

Do you have any friends you can talk with or go visit?

Sometimes a coffee some fresh air a chat helps if you have someone and they are not going to judge you just support you in this tough time it might help you.

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