: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

1 reply

Blame

Hello I am the parent of a drug user who has used since a teenager they he's now 34. 100 days clean from rehab got a child and a non user partner. He relapsed 6 weeks ago, anyway I have had enough as he always blames me and my husband never supports me he always takes my sons point of view. I can't be with either of them anymore, I feel totally isolated. The story is long and probably very familiar to many and advice xx

replying to Anne Major

Addicts always blame others for their actions, and It's never their fault. They tend to have a victim mentality and make others feel like they don't do anything to support them. I was like him when I was an addict.

What's the reason for his relapse, do you know? Other than blaming you.

Most of the time, when someone relapses, it's because he doesn't have support from people who can understand him. That's why talking to people or someone who's been where he is can make the difference between relapsing or not.

When an addict gets emotional about something, it can trigger the urge to go back to drugs or alcohol. That's how we deal with our emotions. It can be anything like joy, sadness, pain, you name it. Facing our emotions and reality can be too much sometimes.

That's why it's essential to have a support group of some sort or someone to talk about it. When I help someone, I always try to get rid of the victim mentality before supporting him. It's easier for me to do that because I had that mentality too.

I understand that you feel alone, and it's hard to understand what addiction is, especially if you have never been addicted to hard drugs.

Even if he blames you for his relapse, it's not your fault, far from it. Sometimes addiction gets the upper hand, and to convince ourselves that it's not our fault, we'll blame others.

He's the one making a choice. He chooses his own actions and has to be strong enough to realize that he's the one responsible for his life.

Telling him that you would like to understand what he's going through might help him and you, but in the end, it's all up to him to get help and stay clean.

I hope you feel a little better.

Have a nice day.

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