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Sons addiction

Hi I’m a new one on this site and so glad I’ve found it. I have read many threads tonight with tears streaming down my face, because there sad and because there is so much pain and heartache associated with drug addiction.

My son is 38 and has been using coccain onn and off for many years. His marriage failed 5 years ago and long term relationship ended about 2 months ago so he has been living with me and my husband, his step dad.

He was in the Royal Marines and did tours in Afghan which is where I thought the problems arose from but now I’m not so sure, I believe, as has been said in many posts, the power of addiction has no boundaries.

My heart aches today as he got wasted yesterday and I haven’t seen him since. I’ve asked him to find somewhere else to live but that also breaks my heart.

We have tried veteran support as well as NHS support but he never finishes the process of getting professional help. My husband is a GP and we have both tried so hard to support him in a positive way and encouraging him to make the right choices, but it’s all failed again.

He has at worst spent £6000 pounds in one week after getting some inheritance. And more recently had a binge week and sold his motorcycle.... the list goes on and on

I feel sure he wants to be free from this poisonous addiction and in fact asked us for £5,500 today to pay for rehab however we know that he is constantly looking for someone or something to’fix’ him instead of helping himself maintain the right choices.

Like others have said we are a warm loving family but his sister doesn’t want anything todo with him anymore and as a mother my pain and suffering continues.

Thank you for reading my post and any advice is always gratefully received especially about asking him to leave ....

replying to Wagtail

Hi Wagtail, welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one who has addictions and also some people in recovery offering support and advice too.

Thank you for sharing your story, so similar to many here as you will see.

My son has alcohol and cocaine addictions, he's 28yrs, been "troubled" since 14yrs. I understand some of what you are going through. It's so difficult to get on with our own lives for worrying about their lives.

I just wanted you to know that there's no need to feel alone.

Adfam has support on their homepage also the Icarus trust posts here too.

If you click on to 'share your story ' and read the Theresa thread, there are several of us mums with sons with addictions. Everyone is so understanding and supportive . Also, Danman83 is a person in recovery offering support and advice too.

Please find time to look after yourself and your well being, don't let this addiction consume your lives too.

Always here to chat

Take care

Lx

replying to Wagtail

Thank you for your response Lindyloo and yes I will have a look at the others you have suggested.

Your right it does consume our lives every waking hour when things go crashing but I do regular exercise to keep me sane....xxx

replying to Wagtail

I'm glad you're looking after yourself. You need something to keep you sane.

There's no rhyme or reason why they pick this path. I think my son has mental health issues, ie undiagnosed adhd or ocd.

I'd think your son will be struggling too, if he's an ex veteran and done tours in Afghanistan.

Rehab can be so expensive and may not always be the answer either.

My son was clean from alcohol and cocaine for almost 6 months after joining AA and CA meetings regularly. Seems to work for a lot of people too, but they really have to want to quit first themselves.

My younger daughter is also affected by his behaviour and how it affects us as a family.

It's good to share stories here as people understand and give advice and support

Take care

Lx

replying to Wagtail

I totally agree I think it was a knee jerk guilt reaction the other day thinking if we see he is asking us for financial help with rehab it will go some way to making his remorse this week feel better.

He also had 6 months drink and coke free last year and desperately wants to give up I’m sure, however he doesn’t want to give up alcohol and thinks he can just be a moderate alcohol drinker but I’m not so sure!!!

Very worried as I have seen the after affect come down and he’s still not back!

He was going to attempt suicidal last year and had written letters to everyone, he was in a state, at the time with his girlfriend who contacted us and we brought him home! It’s all so so sad!

How do we stop this insane poison from corrupting our children and husbands and daughters and families and robbing us all of a normal life!

It’s crazy .....

Thank you for your support xxxx

replying to Wagtail

My son also thinks he can be a moderate drinker. The AA tell him complete abstinence is the only answer. A few drinks and then it's triggers the need for cocaine , then the cycle starts...I guess you know the pattern only too well like me.

It's good he has a girlfriend, my son feels lonely and its difficult to meet someone while your fighting addiction never mind in a global pandemic!

I hate this evil drug that hooks you in , makes all your problems go away, but leaves a trail of devastation in its wake. And then the scumbag dealers who prey on the vulnerable like vultures.

Sorry...im just venting, I don't know what the answer is to rid the world of this evil drug. We can only do our best though, let our kids know that they're still loved.

Just have to do the best we can under the circumstances. I've got a black belt in prayer at the moment 🙏

Take care, keep your chin up.

Lx

replying to Wagtail

Hi Lindy no he doesn’t have a girlfriend they split up about 2 months ago and she cut up every item of clothing he owned, it wasn’t pretty...

And I agree I don’t think anyone has the answers

Well he’s still not back and I found out yesterday that he is borrowing money from a relative ....

Another question I have is how do you relate to friends and family do you tell them your sons a drug user?

Take care xx

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