Sorry for the long post. I’m joining this forum as I am at a loss on where to go from here or what to do next.
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, when I met him he was honest that during his teenage years, he was addicted to weed and occasionally did cocaine.
However over the last few years I have found out he still takes cocaine, I have found evidence of empty packets, he’s stolen money from me, his family and his friends to buy drugs also. Sometimes he denies taking drugs and sometimes he admits it, but the worst part is the way he gaslights me. I have literally seen dealers throw drugs over the fence or watch him approach a car, yet he will always say I’m seeing things or making things up in my head. Tonight I physically caught someone dropping off drugs and confronted my bf, who after 5 min of denying, came clean. Tonight he admitted he’s addicted to coke and will take it a few times a month. I know he has no money and has taken out loans, he says they are not for drugs but he can’t tell me what they are for. He says he wants help, but I just don’t believe him.
I just don’t know what to do or how to help him.
I want to leave him, and I have nothing stopping me, I own my own house, car and have a good job, so I don’t rely on him financially, I know I should have left years ago but I didn’t, I think I always hoped that if he stopped the addiction and lies, he would be a wonderful partner.
I have no one to talk to, all his friends know he’s dabbled with drugs (some even take them), so I feel they are not the best to talk to. His parents know re his issue with money and drugs, but they also don’t know really how to help and seem to enable him, just like me, by loving him and keeping food on the table and a roof over his head. I can’t tell my parents as I don’t want them to hate him and also whilst they would demand I leave him, I can’t cope with the shame of them feeling sorry for me and their wonderings of “why does our daughter always picks the bad egg”.
I just don’t know what to do, I wish I had more self respect to leave, I wish he would get better and wasn’t a drug addict but wishing won’t do anything and I just don’t know what to do anymore! I’m
Not really sure what posting here will do, as I know what I should do, I just can’t. Maybe it’s to hear from people who are in a similar situation and will help me to realise I am not alone. I have never been around the drug scene, until tonight, I had never seen a real full bag of cocaine(they were always empty but with residue in before). I was brought up in small, quiet villages, drugs were never a thing, even when I went to uni, I was never offered them nor have I been around people doing them (except in amsterdam). This world of drugs, lies and deceit scares me and I’m scared that the dealers know where I live and feel it’s ok to drop drugs off for him (albeit over the fence).
I’m so ashamed I hve ended up with this life, I just wanted a normal life, yet I’m now tangled in this mess and I hate myself for it.
Sorry for the long rant, I do feel better for getting it all out though, it’s the first proper time admitting it all. If anyone has any advice on how to handle the situation, or what to do next, please let me know as I’m so lost.