: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

7 replies

Healing and moving forward

The longer I have lived in separate places to my alcoholic partner the more I am healing. I have absolutely nothing. He persuaded me to give up my job as he is a high functioning alcoholic. But the years just went by. My self esteem and confidence plummeted. Now I am having to start over. It is very scary. But I know I have to do it. After years of gaslighting wearing me down, he finally went into rehab. He was so lovely to chat to in his recovery during the six weeks in rehab. Now he is out and staying at his parents. And chatting to him now- I know he has relapsed. It is heartbreaking but I need to move on now. But I also feel stronger in myself to move on.

replying to Leda

I was just thinking about all those times I saw a brilliant future for us, the good person he "really" is, what we could be and experiences that are positive. And I just thought about it. He flips it over. Even now he is flipping it over. He makes it into- I am controlling him. I suppose I should get used to the fact that my thoughts are just fantasy. You can't change someone- they have to change themselves.

replying to Leda

Hi !

When I’m reading this it’s like I read my mind. I have husband that takes meth . He is also having adhd meds with amphetamine.

He is also saying that sometimes he needs to disappear for the nights as I am making problems and I’m just looking at him and controlling him all the time. That everything is in my head.

I’m getting really confused a lot of times as I don’t know anymore if I should do something differently or what…

Now I’m at the point where I will go tomorrow and check apartments for myself. I don’t know what will came out of it. Like your guy mine can also be the sweetest person and loving… but they both love something else over us and that’s not good.

And they don’t even understand that they actually choose something else. Last time when I said it to my husband he smashed the window in our car and his phone.

I wasn’t there this time but many things happened anyways whenever I tried to say that I’m leaving or whatever….

Give me an update how is it going with you and if you are ok.

Hugs from me ! :)

replying to Leda

My addict husband just left me and the baby he took almost all our savings i feel devastated.. He says that he needs time, he say he will never stop drinking/cocaine. He wants me to take time to think if i want to be with him. i feel so scared anxious and sad, alone. Nobody knows our situation. I feel so bad telling my parents i don’t want them to worry but i am alone i need to find support..

1 reply

replying to Leda

I’m so sorry…. It shouldn’t be like this…. And you need to seek help ! And of course tell your parents ! I know it may be hard. I was at the beginning also scared but it’s the best thing I did. Now the support me so much even though they are in different country.

Especially if you have kid. He should be the one that should give you money now so you can have something to live from.

And remember that he has the problem and he needs to be ashamed of it. He is the problem. Your parents will understand that.

It’s important that you will move on because if he is saying he will not stop and seems like he wants you to accept it then your life will never be good again.

Please stay strong…. I think most important now is that he is gone. Just take small steps. First talk with someone that can support you. Like your parents. Then think what to do next to have money for living. Also I guess it’s good to fix some separation paper or something so he will need to pay for your kid. This is just not fair what he did. And you shouldn’t go through it alone !

1 reply

replying to Leda

My partner passed away last week. Multiple organ failure. I think his body went into shock, by the sound of it, he might have had uncontrolled diabetes which wasn't being treated. Maybe he knew and was in denial, maybe it hadn't been picked up, but addiction led to it. He was 45. His last coherent words were that he wanted to be with me. I'm going through the "maybe I could have" scenarios. Rational mind says I tried everything and it became too much for me. But I know I should have separated us both earlier down the line- so maybe he would have had a chance- as he would have realised earlier. What I will say, from what I see, is that a big part of addiction is shame. So making them feel ashamed is just perpetuating their addiction. He was just starting to open up about psychological issues from his childhood and upbringing. Unfortunately it was too late. I do think that we need to focus on ourselves and make ourselves stronger- it is the only way forward. Don't leave it too late. They have to face themselves and possibly need deep psychological help, which they need to be ready for- and your leaving them might just be the trigger for that to happen. And please reach out to others. You can't carry this weight on your own. Hugs x

replying to Leda

So sorry for your loss….

It is sad.

Just hang there.

Lots of hugs !

replying to Leda

My husband is a drinker and drug user hes totally changed and forged himself a new life away from me and my son ( i did leave ) but he didnt give much of a fight. I am too healing and getting better each day - however its the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with in my life .

Lots of hugs to you

replying to Leda

I too left my coke addicted husband.Walked away from a 17 year relationship as I was suffering emotionally. He harassed me for months. I am ashamed to say I seeked solace outside of the marriage as a way out. (I do not recommend) .. he stopped harrassing me after 16 months and now has moved on and leaves me alone. What I want to say is. I am in a better place now mentally and I will always love him but drugs ruined our lives. If anyone is contemplating leaving it will be tough at first but it gets better.

My ex husband now no longer contacts me or his child… which is a shame for my child but our life is much calmer now

replying to kasiesta223

Thank you for your kinda words! I will start to live my life again will need to get support and get a job. I know it’s hard but i have to do it for me and my child.

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