Chat to others: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Hey,

for those of you who had partners or kids using cocaine right under your nose so to speak in your home, what signs were there? How easy is it to hide when you literally work from home with someone and spend most nights with them due to covid restrictions. We don’t have a shared bank account and I’ve never found any paraphernalia so...just curious?

I feel almost like a traiter writing this as I was that guy once but when I was bad even though I carried on using I deep down was desperately hoping to be caught out so I could get it out in the open and address it and deal with it. Which eventually happend and my recovery started.

What I'd say is if you're home together the most. Obvious thing will be the person's behaviour. Cocaine without alcohol makes you very edgy, very jumpy almost nervous. People have the idea that it makes you very cocky very bouncy like in the films. It often is the oppersite when used without drink. Eye contact is important too, when on it eye contact will be avoided. You'll notice them like scanning the room constantly but not looking at you.

Then theres also things like being sweaty, not being able to keep their hands still. Runny nose etc

Are they going to the toilet alot more and shutting the door? Men don't normally shut the door if they are going for a wee.

Then there's the question of where it's being kept. Probably on his person. So check wallets pockets etc.

The floor is a bug one people miss. When you do a line you wipe down the surface but often specs of it fall out your nose and will land on the floor or surfaces near by. Also if a surface has been wiped down and you go in straight away after, question why the side has been wiped down and is wet.

Finally it sounds silly but crouch down so the surface is at eye level and shine a touch when it's dark you'll see then any specs that have been missed.

If it is the case your partner has been using, I know you'll be mad but there is normally a deep rotted reason for use that is more than just wanting to do it for fun or what ever. Your partner is probably struggling with something and please remember that when confronting them.

All the best and hope that helps

Thanks! Really appreciate your insights.

We are drinkers, the times I suspect he does it aren’t sober during the day but when we’ve had some drinks. Can someone say have a few glasses of wine, a line, and then sit and watch a movie? Or just sit around a backyard fire and not seem weirdly overly chatty or confident/arrogant? Almost like normal I guess I’m saying. The times I know he’s done it when we were out with his friends he always gets overly confident and loud and that is NOT sober him.

He doesn’t go to the bathroom a weird amount, but sometimes goes for a long time. Then again he never did go to the bathroom a lot even when his problem was bad.

Some background....pre lock down he had a 1-3x per week habit. I just didn’t realize it! Not to make excuses but coke runs rappant in the sales industry he works in. I can look back now and see how bad it was (and he’s admitted he got bad). Since April 2020 he’s barely seen “Bill” who was his primary using buddy. I do trust that he’s gotten mostly clean just based on how great our lives are and how little he goes out, but obviously I posted here for a reason.

I know he hates that he used (uses?). Last time I know for sure he did was in March. He went out to bills as I was out of town for the night. He admitted it, as I confronted him the best day because I could tell from his texts. Weird I can tell from texts but not when he’s right beside me under our own roof!

My sister is a cocaine addict and I can generally tell by her voice when she’s done coke, but other ways of noticing would be if they smoke they tend to smoke more than usual, won’t want to eat or very little as suppresses the appetite, drinks plenty of booze normally drink like a fish on coke , rambles, paranoid, jumpy. No eye contact, Bank/credit cards might have coke residue in the numbers of the card. Some people just use a car key to scoop it up and snort it.

The next day sleeping a lot and v irritable and snappy xx

Thanks! I think I’m pretty good at knowing when he’s right messed up on it through some of the things you point out. He chews tobacco so that covers the jaw symptoms. If he comes home shit faced after a night out with friends that do it, he gets super lovey dovey, saying he loves me ten times and “thank you for loving me”. That’s usually my give away but at that point he’s so wasted it’s obvious. He says why do you care if I do it if I’m nice to you.....but as I’m sure many on here know, the honeymoon will end if his habit gets worse and it will absolutely end up hurting me and our 4 kids. He’s had a daily/multiple times per week habit in his past (a decade ago, got clean he says by changing jobs). If it got that bad once, my logic is it will again if he never gets treatment and is now back in another job where cocaine is all over the place (oil and gas sales)

I guess it’s more the “how bad have you hit it in the past from people and what did you get away with” that’s in my mind. Or on the other side, what was hid from you. Like, do people do just small amounts and get away with it all the time with their partners none the wiser? Just thinking they’re in a good mood or whatever?

Prior to him I have had zero experience with this stuff, but I’m not a tee totaller. I like to drink and have fun, but I draw the line at hard drugs! Especially when someone has kids

"Like, do people do just small amounts and get away with it all the time with their partners none the wiser? Just thinking they’re in a good mood or whatever?"

If they have a tolerance then yeah, maybe. I have used coke in the past recreationally but never had an issue; if I racked up a line and did it now, it would be painfully obvious that I was high. I would have dilated pupils, a clenched jaw, sweaty hands/feet, nervous energy, too much to say about nothing at all and at 100mph speed. But if my boyfriend racked up a line and did it, it would be like a smoker puffing on a cigarette - it just resets them and makes them feel 'normal' again.

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