: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

5 replies

Feel like my husband is on borrowed time

There’s so much piled on here, depression, anxiety, alcoholism, ADHD, IBS, arthritis... he doesn’t do much to help himself and drinks about 150 units a week on a good week, eats maybe every other day. Takes an anti-d but refuses therapy or any further help from the GP eg for the arthritis. I just feel like he’s waiting to die and it sounds awful but I find myself planning ahead for when that happens. He earns more than me and can’t get life insurance due to his alcoholism so I need a plan for the mortgage if he dies - that kind of thing.

I’ve been to Al-Anon and they helped me realise I can’t control his drinking. I have let go of that and am in a much calmer place than I was a couple of years ago. He’s not abusive, just withdrawn and sad. He has his own lounge (his choice) and home workshop (self employed and wfh) so my son and I live pretty much separately from him unless he’s feeling ok then he comes to play a game or something for an hour.

I wish he would get better but he seems to be getting worse, constantly miserable and sipping his way through the day. It’s a horrid feeling like he and I are both just waiting for his inevitable early demise, he’s only 42 but has had a problem with alcohol since he was a teenager 😢

replying to beachbabe

Oh gosh what an incredibly sad post.xxx

I am so sorry for you your husband and son.

There really is not enough support available for mental health in this country and more now than ever it is needed.

The root of most drinks and drugs is because people are masking or trying to forget for a while and get to their happy place.x

It’s devastating.xxx

Will he look into having a different anti depressant? Or is he on a strong dose already. ?

Have you or your son tried talking to him at all?

It’s heart breaking my nieces and nephews father died a couple of months ago in front of them he was only young. From drink mainly and possibly drugs.

They don’t realise what these poor children are left to live with.

I don’t know what to suggest it’s so bloody hard xxx

replying to beachbabe

Thank you so much for replying, this is such a lonely road.

This is his second type of anti-d, I think he needs to up the dose, he says he’s fine just bored.

Yes we’ve tried talking to him over and over but trying to “fix” him was really bad for my own mental health. Al Anon helped me to step back and also to realise how abusive he was at the time. I told his parents the truth of what was going on and they got involved, as did his siblings. Eventually he realised he was going to lose his wife and son and at that point got these anti-ds, cut down on the booze and made a lot of empty promises yet again. He did stop the shitty abusive behaviour though, with the drop in alcohol consumption and new meds, which is why we didn’t leave.

He was drinking about 300 units a week, now he has half of that. He has liver damage, memory problems and various vitamin deficiencies. He doesn’t take the supplements he has bought and refuses further blood tests.

The other day I was using a life expectancy calculator online (the weird things living with an alcoholic makes you do!!!) and he came out as likely to die at an age younger than he is now 😔 Yesterday he had 7 pints and a bottle of wine that I know of and no food at all, he’s missing out on his life. My son and I have fun hanging out together and we’d love him to join in but he’s so isolated, just him and his alcohol, no space for us 😔

replying to beachbabe

I'm sorry that you're going through this, I didn't want to read and run. The bit about "just him and his alcohol, no space for us" is so sad.

Have you spoken to your own GP about what's going on? You might benefit from some counselling as well as Al-Anon.. a space just for you to talk about yourself, away from his alcohol.

replying to beachbabe

I'm starting counseling for myself tomorrow.

His drinking has got worse again sadly. He decided to stop drinking about a month ago but actually had 10 days off (proving to himself he doesn't have a problem) and now he's very very drunk at the weekends then sobers up by Wednesday, dry Wed and Thurs then the cycle starts again. It was easier to live with when he was just a bit pissed most of the time, this roller coaster is awful. Tonight he's in a foul mood, says he's sick of life and is behaving very angrily. We are avoiding him.

replying to beachbabe

I'm so sorry to read your very sad story but I'm glad that you are getting some help for yourself with some counselling. If you need any other help please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers support to people going through what you are having to live with the affect of a family member's addiction.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

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