: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

5 replies

I can not cope anymore

hi, I have to apologise as English is not my first language , I hope I can explain myself.

My husband is a cocaine addicted, I found it 10 days before our wedding.... he ws the best man I ever meet in my life but now he is becoming my worst nightmare....

He promised me before the wedding he will get help because he doesn't want to do cocaine anymore and ..... well I believed him and we got married in September 2019... I notice his behaviour was a bit estrange but he always said it was the stress . Just before the first lockdown he told me he was still doing cocaine, he got in trouble with drug dealers, I had to paid them a lot of money , we lost our car and I found out he also sold few of my things . He cried for help ,he said he need help.... I did help him , the pandemic happened and I was the happiest woman in the earth because he was at home 24-7 sleeping normal hours .....

Everything looked quite normal, he was quite difficult sometimes but he said again it was the stress .... Until last week.... he asked me for 750 pounds ( I control the money in the house due his illness ) and he became very aggressive with me ... I had to give him the money ,he has been quite aggressive and very disrespectful since then...

My problem is.... I am alone in the UK, I have not seen my family since the wedding, I been working non stop since may last year been unable to visit them in Spain due the covid . I bought a car last moth and I am planning to leave the country at the end of June ( I have a cat and to be able to leave the country with it I need to wait over a month )

I am currently taking sleeping tablets every night to disconnect from my shit life but I do not know if I am going to be able to carry on like this as he seems out of control .

I have the money to leave, I have a house in Spain, I have a car to take my belongs with me ...... But,I do not know how I am going to deal with the feeling of be treated so badly from the person I love when I am completely alone ....

replying to balu

Hi balu, I am so sorry to read your story. No need to feel alone as everyone here has a loved onevwith addictions.

We all have been treated badly, it's the addiction that makes them so selfish and lash out at the people who do the most for them.

My son is 28 and has cocaine and alcohol addictions, I feel your pain.

In my opinion you deserve so much more, someone who will appreciate the kind person you are. Only you can decide what is best for you, but please don't wait around unless he is willing to change his lifestyle. I think it's time to be kind to yourself, whatever it takes.

Take care

Lx

replying to balu

thank you vey much for your kind words.... I'm in a lot of pain as I never meet a man like him .... we wasn't speak the shame language and it has been an amazing and romantic adventure until cocaine appeared . He looked at me and treated me like nobody did in my life ....He has a 9 years son and he loves me ,the Mather of his son also likes me , we all had a very good relation for the kid, we always go for diners out on his birthday ( mum, dud,step mum ,step dad ) Everything was perfect, we was even planning to have a baby! and my husband disappeared ! he is not him anymore ... he lies, he make histories , he blames me for his behaviour ,he is aggressive with me even in front of his kid .... he is not ready to give up on coca yet ,,, so I'm going to have to leave everything behind and run in my car to my country where at list I would have my family and my friends to support me .to be living with an addict is extremely difficult ,to have to do it in the middle of a pandemic in a different country with nobody........ bufffff. I been taking sleeping tablets for weeks , those are the ones that keeps me away of bad and dangerous feelings ...........

replying to balu

God Bless you Balu, you deserve so much more.

Yes, this evil drug takes them over completely, it is like a mistress who they will always choose over their loved ones. You just have to see the other stories here from wives, girlfriends, mothers. It's heartbreaking.

It will do you good to go to your home country and see your family.

Just take each day at a time . I pray daily which helps, my son has stopped drinking at the moment, maybe my prayers are being answered.

I wish you well Balu, whatever you choose to do, I will keep you in my prayers. Go easy on the sleeping tablets. Stay strong.

Lx

replying to balu

Hi,

Thanks for sharing the story ! I am also in different country and married a guy who was clean for 6 years but he is taking again.

I’m in Norway and i moved here for him. I was thinking many times to leave because I also couldn’t find job here. But I love him so I never did it.

But now I finally found a job and im planning to move.

And I understand how hard it must be…. I also have cat here but I can’t take him yet. I can take him only in September which makes me more sad. And I don’t know if I should leave now or later or what….

Probably you feel disappointed that you went to other country to be with the person you love and then this happens. He chooses something else over you.

That’s at least how I feel.

But if you have opportunity to leave just do it. It’s great that you have your family to support you. I don’t know what I would do without my friends and fam.

I know already know that I’m codependent. And sometimes out of comfort zone I’m kind of in now I don’t want to leave him. And of course it’s scares me a lot to be alone. But I guess that’s better than this all.

Let me know how it’s going with you and what’s the update ! :)

Hugs from Norway !

replying to balu

Its best to leave if you can.

I know the feelings you mean and im going through it now , but i always think back to life with him here , and i know where im better off.

It will only continue and you will lose yourself more - disconnecting helps you reconnet with yourself.

I could not of dreamed i could advise anyone say 8 weeks ago i was in an awful place, still have my bad days - but i know the distance is healtheir.

I hope you find the strength , you deserve so much more and until someone wants to be helped theres not much we can do

All the best

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