Everytime I consume alcohol, cocaine is not very far behind on the agenda. I hate it. Despise the link.
Whenever I drink, cocaine isn't far behind, and more often than not, my evening/night out/social gathering isn't even remotely interesting until I have the drug. I'm ashamed to even be writing, admitting this because it's affecting the person I love the most.
What bothers me the most though is the fact I know this but I don't seem to change anything? Even though I know and acknowledge the problem, understand the catalyst and can see the solution. I still can't seem to find the strength to change my mindset. Alcohol = Cocaine.
My girlfriend is becoming more and more affected by it as she doesn't want it to be part of our future, which I completely agree with.
We want kids soon, and she wants me to be as fully competent as possible, but I can see and feel her wavering faith which is cutting me up.
I really need some advice. Don't care if it's hard hitting, I just need a big reality check from someone who doesn't know me so has nothing to gain or lose. Someone who can empathize and be straight with me. I don't worry about losing my girlfriend....yet. But I worry that that could be a very real thing if I don't help myself quickly.