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Relapsed after 4 month

So the last month has probably been the worst in my life. I relapsed about a month ago after 4 month clean. It started because I was in agony with pain in my shoulders and I started taking pain killers which were making me happy. Taking them more than I should. I've stopped now. But I think this led to me relapsing. I went out all night. Came home had a big argument with my gf and I was horrible and calling her every name under the sun.

She packed my bags and kicked me out after 12 years. I'm now living in shared accom, untill I get a flat. My mum said I can go hers but I don't get on with my dad. It's all my fault. This stuff ruins life's and family's. It's turned me into something I am not. I've lost my sponsor now and I'm looking for a new one. But we are still good mates, and I am going to my 1st face to face meeting today as I need to beat this so much.

I was just going to avoid coming on here, I let alot of people down, mainly myself. My kids seen me in the madness and I have to live with this all my life now. But this site helps me and I need to beat this addiction, disease. So I'm back and I'm not going to give up.

replying to Danman83

Morning Danman83,

Please stay strong and keep fighting, addiction is so cruel and unkind, don't be hard on yourself. 4 months clean is bloody amazing and you should be so proud of yourself. Please give it a go again. I wish I could hug you through a screen.

Your words on this forum over the last few months have given me hope and comfort for a very good friend of mine. I wish he could go 4 months clean, that's 4 months of knowing he is doing well.

Cocaine is so cruel on the mind, not just for the user but friends and family too. It leaves me second questioning my friends intentions. I'm never going to give up on him, even if he tells me to block him and walk away like others have.

It might be best to live a alone for a while, the challenges on every day life can be hard on people's sobriety, but don't lose your suport network. Your family and friends love you deeply, as you do them.

Please stay positive and don't let this beat you! X

replying to Danman83

Thank you so much for that. My mum and my 18 year old son was even saying get to the meeting, dad it will make you better ect.. Breaks me to know my son knows this, even though some of his mates do it. But I should lead by example.

To be honest it was a toxic relationship anyway. And not just me. I felt like it was me doing everything. I feel a bit happier now and stress free. I'm back on the programme and feeling good and. Meditating. Thanks so much for your kind words x

1 reply

replying to Danman83

You must have a heart of gold not giving up on your friend. It's so hard to stop when it's everywhere. Even doctors are on the meetings who are addicted to it. There is a big crisis in UK with it.

How is your friend? Does he want to quit and getting help?

1 reply

replying to Danman83

Hi Danman83,

Please don’t beat yourself up about relapsing, you have helped so many people on here and we are all supporting you and your journey.

Take time for yourself now, you know what you need to do and you have done it. My Son tells me that it is harder to get yourself going again after a relapse, but be strong and positive.

I hope you can get back on good terms with your girlfriend and family. I understand her anger and probably disappointment but we have to realise that addiction is an illness and needs supporting.

I had wondered where you were and have been thinking of you.

Good luck today with your face to face meeting.

Keep in touch on here, you have helped us and we are here to help you.

Take care.


2 replies

replying to Debc

It is hard because it's still in your system and wants more. I feel like I just finished a jigsaw puzzle and I've just mixed it all up again and have to start again, and piece it all up again. But I'm feeling happy today. I needed to connect more with ex addicts and my sponsor and I never. But I am now. It the fear of phoning people and being shy but I'm doing it now and sharing a lot more in meetings.

So I'm feeling positive now.

I know I just couldn't face it on here after relapsing. But something clicked this morning and told me to go back on and share my story. It's part of recovery I guess. I'm not proud of what I did and what I said to my ex. It's a long story so can't really explain on here. But ye.. It was my fault. Cocaine turned me into a nasty person that night. Because also I had not used for 4month. It was a lot worse the effects. I just have to dust my self off and start again and not give up. Thanks so much deb x

1 reply

replying to Danman83


You have helped me so much

Sad you have relapsed

1 reply

replying to Esta

Thank you 🙂 just your support and kind words are enough ❤️

3 replies

replying to Danman83

Hi Dan,

Glad to hear you're back working a programme and feeling less stressed.

Take comfort in knowing you've come a long way, you acknowledge your problems which is hard for most people.

Get to that meeting!

I've lost so many family at the hands of addiction, addiction is so cruel. My dad, grandad, 2 uncles and last year my sister-in-law, she overdosed on cocaine. I have another uncle who also has a drink problem. I don't want to hear of another person who has lost their battle to drink and drugs!

My mate, he's ok at the moment. He's currently having therapy and I've notice significant improvements but he's still using, on average now once a week/fortnightly. He was spiraling out of control, using a couple times of week. He's still in denial and it's as though he's still waiting excuses to use just not much, he's been using for over 5 years now.

It's hard communicating with him, but recently I decided not to communicate no more with him via WhatsApp as I believe this to be one of his triggers along with other concerning matters.

It's hard to understand what goes on in his head, he doesn't fully open up and I think he's scared too. There's been times I've reacted negatively towards him out of frustration, however I'm learning now not to react. He shouldn't be my concern but I'm one of these people I can't just give up. Sounds silly, but if he knows I'm still around if he ever finds himself rock bottom or in need of genuine help I've not completely turned on him.

I can't wait to hear the day when he's been 6 weeks sober and still going strong. I hope that day comes sooner rather than later.

replying to Danman83

Hi Danman83,

Keep that positivity going, be strong and always know there is someone to talk too.

One day at a time, you got this 🙏

Take care


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