: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

5 replies

Does Cocaine & Alcohol Totally Change a Person To The Point Of No Return?

First time posting and sorry if its long.

My marriage ended 3 months ago due to my husbands repeated drug and drinking, i just couldn't take it anymore.

Hes always had problems past 5 years have been bad but the last 18months have escalated really bad. Taking cocaine and drinking. He would use after work on most days.

To the point if he doesnt have money for them he will, get intouch with doc and lie about pain or use household products (aerosols). I have tried and tried to help but it only enables him and i have to protect me and my child.

He said he would get his own place and get help - but he continued to verbally abuse me and demand things when he would come and see our child.

it rapidly changed to he now had someone else ( 4 days after i put my foot down) and 2 weeks after he left my phone.

Totally erratic of him, and never dreamed hed be so cruel.

over the past 2 months he has threatened me and continually messaged / emailed about the same things as well as sending awful abusive messages blaming me and how hes never been better and about seeing our child on his own which he isnt allowed to because of his abusive behaviours and drug issues.

What baffles me the most is , he gets in touch few times a week , either to be awful, manipulative or have my child.

He has never once asked about my child , how school is or asked if he needs anything , or paid for him. He said hes off weeeknds but never askes to speak to my son , drops off the planet all weekend but come mon /tues or wed thats when he starts - obviously on the come down.

Ive been told by authorities his behaviour is stalking behaviour . I did not reply to him for a month and the messages still kept coming , he is with someone else but i dont know alot about it.

I can only assume she is in to the drink and drugs to.

i taken legal action for a divorce and he just will not engage like an adult - yet claims hes so happy now .

Its just a constant mind game and abuse . I have no idea why he still wants to contact me knowing he isnt going to get a different answer, and legal proccedings have started, and if hes with someone else ,Im drained.

He has contacted family members to see if im upset , and slagged me off to his new person infront of them on the phone. The whole things is insidious beyond belief i just dont know who he is any more.

The whole new relationship was obviously forced to get a reaction out of me but im just so disappointed and hurt i will not engage in such behaviour.

He lies constantly , and still tries to manipulate me . Its been going on for months now.

Ive read and been told off professionals that drugs make them not of there own mind and they dont feel as non users , and hes numbing things out.

Im not after a reconciliation , as hes done to much but im so fed up now of the constant mind games and contacting me .

I really hoped hed get help , but i really cant understand why someone would choose that over their wife and child.

I always live in fear i will get a call saying somethings happened or hes dead as he always drug / drink drives, and can get involved in violent behaviour.

I dont know what advice im looking for maybe just a vent - or reassurance im not going mad. Ive noticed lots of signs of cocaine , runny nose, dilated pupils, muscle pains, stocking up on ibroprofen and cold and flu tablets, paranoia ( im cheating ), loss of appetite , more mellow , then comes the moodswings and aggression , lies , manipulation. He never has any money although works 7 days a week at the time , lost brand new cars , jobs , holiday homes , and even been to prison for a drunken attack, he has physically assaulted me also under the influence.

In past hes always been able to stop for a time and want better but this time it seems it has far far to much of a hold on him that hes took that road out , but still wants an element of control over me.

Its soul destroying seeing someone you love turn this way.

1 reply

replying to Window

It’s horrific how far reaching the ripple affects of their decisions in addiction spreads through families

It wrecks everything and everybody involved

In time once the legal stuff is done you will get the PEACE and happiness you deserve

The more time passes the more distance you will get from him

It’s so good you have made those boundaries and are sticking to them

I know how hard that is and you should be proud of yourself

It is heartbreaking to lose someone you love to addiction but you have done the right thing for you and your child

I am sure it’s not what you signed up for and not the path you want your child to think is normal and end up on

I applaud your strength as hard as it is you have done the right thing

Try to look forward now to the future

All storms Pass X

1 reply

replying to Esta

thank you for your reply and taking the time to read, its the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

Shocking the way he has treat me and my son.

replying to Window

I replied to another thread but they only care about there drug of choice. Cocaine is an awful drug.

Things will get better. I allowed my ex husband to abuse me for 16 months before I went no contact. He started to back away as he found someone else. But no contact will keep you sane for a while.

Communication for your child should be civil if you can just ignore the bits where he is reducing your self confidence.. you are worth more and deserve more.

Things will get better … time heals and you will feel

Peace

replying to Window

you have stepped away; keep walking away from it all

life with an addict is; absolute chaotic negative misery.

You will begin to remember who ‘you’ are, and the weight will lift.

You don’t have to feel guilty because it is not your fault.

You won’t get the answers you need from it all

he has made his choice

Life is so short and precious

Don't let it ruin one more day of your life!

Be happy and laugh everyday, that’s the best addiction ~ an addiction to life

2 replies

replying to Window

Hello Window

Cocaine makes us push away the people closest to us. Your situation sounds terrible for both you and your son.

I am going using now and I am at rock bottom. My situation is a little bit different to yours but it all comes down to the same reason.

Drugs and addiction.

I have put my own story on here to hopefully get me and my family on the right road to recovery.

I wish you and your child all the best and if you ever want any advice on addiction or the effects the drugs have on your husband then please leave a comment on my thread.

Jxx

replying to Jamie00785

Thank you so much Jamie i will take alook at your thread

replying to Window

I could have written your post myself.

It’s almost reassuring to read because it makes me feel less alone and less crazy - the behaviour is almost text book, why do they do it when they make it plainly clear how much they ‘hate’ us and don’t want to be with us ans we are to blame.

I have two young children, also going through a divorce and also in the manipulation/ mind games even though we are separated there always seems to be something he wants to torment me about - makes it like it’s about the kids but like you say never really asks about them. Mine are so young that they actually don’t know him.

Also he wouldn’t engage with solicitor etc for 4 months when I started a divorce ans even now isn’t fully aware of what’s going on. Only thinks of himself ans his own selfish needs. Like you say how can they choose this over a family - wife and children. It’s heartbreaking.

I am sure even though it is hard, one day they will see the damage and what they lost. If not I too fear it could be that knock at the door to say the worst has happened. It’s truly devastating. My life is destroyed and I literally had no idea or inkling that it was drugs.

Take care

replying to Window

Hi,

So sorry to read your post and see how badly affected you are by your husband's addiction. I'm so glad that you have found this forum but if you would like more help you might like to contact us at Icarus Trust.

We are a charity that provides support for people dealing with the impact of a partner's addiction because we know that it can be so hard.

if you contact us you would be able to speak with one of our trained and experienced Family Friends. They would listen and maybe help you to find a way forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

All the best.

2 replies

replying to Jamie00785

Does it make you push your wife away to the point that they literally leave you and don’t want the relationship anymore? I’m sorry but I’m my situation this came out of no where. He just stopped coming home one weekend and was so angry all of a sudden then I found text messages which were telling of him doing cocaine. He knows it’s not acceptable for our life and now poof he has left out the house for 2.5 months with no plans to return. Absolute madness. But he denies any use of cocaine since I found out. Incredibly hard to deny though based on all of his behaviors. Ugh.

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