: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

6 replies

Heroin/cocaine, and now infidelity

He's opened credit cards under my name and maxed them all out. He's sold my favorite jewelry just to get money for cocaine. He's spent all my savings and retirement fund. I don't mind spending the rest of my life supporting him through all his relapses, because I really am deep in love with my fiance. I can't even lie to myself and give him an ultimatum I don't even mean. but recently I found out he's been texting random women and men, sending them dick pics and explicit videos. Asking them to meet up and promises of sexual favors. In the end, he says that he never actually met up with anyone and never intended to but needed the attention to make him feel good. He had blamed it on the constant fights we were having about his ongoing cocaine use. But we talked it through. Or so I thought. But recently found out again, that he was talking to other women. His family chalks it up to the cocaine affecting his behavior. But I'm not so sure. I wish I knew wether a drug can really make a honest loyal person into one that looks for sexual attention, or is it just the way he is? Maybe that's just how he's always been? I can deal with the drugs. I can't deal with infidelity. And the situation is much more complicated because I've found out im pregnant. A baby that we both really want. But its highly irresponsible to being a baby into this world, if I can't be sure that he is a product of drugs that can be fixed. Or a person that just needs to go outside of the relationship bc that's who he is. What's your take? Can cocaine really be that big of an affect on behavior and descision making as to turn a loyal person into a person that needs sexual attention for validation?

replying to Soloney123

You are a good and loyal Person who deserves so much more

replying to Soloney123

I guess it's a very complicated and long story of how I got here. I know that he's manipulating and using me, bc that's what addicts do. But I know he also loves me, it just so happens that he depends on me.

The easy answer is, I don't leave because I really am in love with him.

I am not a user, I am pregnant. I give drugs a pass bc I know it's something that I can work on and support him through. Until one day he can be completely clean. But if he's cheating, the that's a different story. Thennid have to leave the relationship. But since there is a correlation between using cocaine and behaviors of infidelity, I can work through that with him too. That's why I am here asking people wether cocaine really is the culprit. Or how much is it contributing to the behavior?

If the answer is, it doesn't make you solicit sex from random strangers then .. .....that's when I can move on.

1 reply

replying to Soloney123

Your instinct is your best friend and will try to tell you the truth

replying to Soloney123

Hi

I'm sorry to read your post, what worrying times you must be having especially being pregnant. if you would like to contact us at Icarus Trust we may be able to help you find answers to your questions. We are a charity that offers support to people who are being affected by a family member's addiction. Our Family Friends are trained and very experienced and one of them would talk with you if you get in touch. They can also let you know what other help is out there.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

All the best to you.

1 reply

replying to Soloney123

Solonely, sending you support, you are not alone girl.

It’s so so hard, and I can only imagine that your hormones are sooo all over the place too, which makes everything feel worse. It must be exhausting for you, I can only empathise with you. Sending care xxx

I’m not going to tell you to leave him, I can’t even do that from my partner, so I won’t preach it to you. But I do know that the addict is an addict through lifestyle choice. If he’s an addict, it’s because he wants to be. Perhaps being a parent will be enough motivation for him to make a lifestyle change, or will could make things worse. It’s impossible to know for sure.

Whatever happens I just encourage you to make sure you take care of yourself, physically and mentally. If you need some support in weighing everything up, here as a sound board. Hugs xxx

replying to Soloney123

Thank you so much for your reply.

It's a simple gesture but I do appreciate it and it does help me to know that I am not alone. I chose to stay with my partner bc I do love him very much. Thank you again

replying to Liberty

Thank you so much for your reply.

It's a simple gesture but I do appreciate it and it does help me to know that I am not alone. I chose to stay with my partner bc I do love him very much. Thank you again

replying to Esta

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know what's the right thing to do. I know what is practical. But being an adult doesn't mean I learned to make better decisions. I've always worn my heart on my sleeves. I love him, and I feel like if there's a sliver of hope, I want to give it a chance. But I really don't know how many times my heart can be broken.

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