All of these behaviors ring a bell with me and my situation. It’s so nice to have others that understand.
I have been struggling trying to figure out what happened to my life in the weeks leading up to discovering my husband was using cocaine and what has happened ever since.
My husband and I were (so I thought) happily together for 3 and a half years. We would always tell each other how lucky we were and planned an entire future together. We had many goals and dreams of moving to Hawaii and starting a family.
This year he started a new “job”. There were red flags right away as his new “boss” was keeping him out partying until 5,6,7 in the morning. He said he needed to impress the boss and they were “networking”. These nights would randomly happen from time I time over a few months. The problem is he had not been paid over the course of the entire time. It was a sales position but there were no sales made and we hadn’t received any money for 6 months (my husband was at the office working 7 days a week for 12 hours a day trying to get this business going).
I tried my best to be supportive but this was so frustrating. Fast forward to March and my husband was still doing super sweet things for me like hanging up pictures of us around the house and telling me how much he loved me. A few weeks later in April he didn’t come home for a 3 day period (same time his “boss” got back to town) His phone was off and he was angry with me all of a sudden. Nothing like this has ever happened before. He blamed our sex life and said he didn’t know if he could do this anymore. A couple more weeks of him randomly coming home or not and really unusual behaviors like major mood swings, anger at me, random bursts of energy, sadness. And I found a text on our computer that said “the next time you do coke im punching you in the face” from one of his friends. It all made sense. I got him to admit he’s been using for 5 months although the said “only a couple times” which I think is a complete lie as I’m 99% sure he was on it when I found out. I’ve caught him in many lies since. I did not see this coming. Since then he’s said he cannot commit to coming home anymore. He’s said he “doesn’t see this working out” and it was “gradual” and “I don’t think it’s gunna happen” for our marriage
To me the problems only began when he started using the drug (working long hours, small personality changes like big ego and all around meaner attitude). Everyone we know would be in complete shock to hear we’re not together. Like I said completely out of no where. I’m having such a hard time trying to understand if this is him speaking this or it’s because he knows he can’t live this drug life with me. He’s pushed me away completely and I’m the only one here that loves him that sees the problem. Ive told his family in hopes they would help but they think when they talk to him “he seems fine”. The real him would never act this way or say these things. He says “we’ve never had chemistry” which is such a lie and so hurtful. He worshiped me before. Loved me so much before all this happened. Not to mention our entire savings account has been drained in the process and he has no answer to where the money went. I’m at a loss.
I understand that this all happened but when I speak to him on the phone he sounds normal so I have a hard time figuring out if this is the real him or not. I know probably not but it’s hard when you don’t have answers.
He seems completely delusional and oblivious to everything that is happening but has a new job and seems to be functioning normally otherwise. When he found out I had been prescribed anxiety medication he asked “is it because your homesick?” What?? Does he not realize that he just completely left me out of no where with no answers and all of our money is gone? Ugh.
I feel like I’m now addicted to reading stories on this forum in search of answers since he doesn’t provide me with any.
Thanks to anyone who reads it feels good to be able to relate!