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replying to Cali111

To be honest I'm not sure if she does love me . I know she says it but it's only when she's using she says it and that's the only time she really wants me is when she's on a come down.

It's just so hard at the minute cos I just want the girl back I fell in love with but once you have been an addict you will be an addict for the rest of your life .

I saw a stat that only 10percent of people can get away from it once you have been addicted to it . In the UK is everywhere and I mean everywhere .

I'm like you I'm not sure is this person who put me 1st above anything will ever return or will I always be 2nd and 3rd best to coke and her coke friends ...which I will not tolerate , for my sake and also for hers . I'm not letting our relationship stoop that low as we were never like that

replying to paul0572

I don't think he's putting the work in because all he is concerned about is the cocaine , and they see us as the naggin wife ...

Which I suppose we are but only because we love them and Care about them .

Mine just sees me as someone who is trying to destroy her life instead of saving it

replying to Littlehappy

A relationship should be 50/50 and our relationship for the last 2 years has been 100 percent me keeping things together . If I didn't love her I would of been gone a long time ago .

She doesn't find anything fun anymore or any enjoyment in anything me do together ...

But nothing will compare to a gram of coke , it's not normal to be like that and I've leard not to best myself up about it

replying to Littlehappy

A relationship should be 50/50 and our relationship for the last 2 years has been 100 percent me keeping things together . If I didn't love her I would of been gone a long time ago .

She doesn't find anything fun anymore or any enjoyment in anything me do together ...

But nothing will compare to a gram of coke , it's not normal to be like that and I've leard not to best myself up about it

1 reply

replying to Littlehappy

Yeah people do get fed up with you it’s hard not to argue with them too as you feel so frustrated and no one can make it better nor give you the answers they just say forget about it and accept it not so easy when you have spent years with this person who you feel you don’t even recognise anymore. I too did my pregnancy alone our first daughter she was so wanted and we spoke about her for years and hoping we would have a girl together as he’s first daughter he doesn’t see he’s ex doesn’t let him even before the drug problems. All he did was cause me stress through my pregnancy apologised by text but never seemed remorseful really, it just felt like sorry was just a word in the end, he very nearly wasn’t at the birth as he disappeared 6 days before my c section he messaged said about it what I was doing if we were both going being the nice person I am I didn’t deny him it made the situation not the same as before my anxiety was through the roof as he wasn’t my protector anymore & it felt like it was just me meeting my beautiful girl, you get so annoyed looking at their little faces thinking of how someone could do this with someone so precious in their lives and not care I’ll never understand it. I won’t send pics or videos he made the choice to miss out he doesn’t even ask how any of them are I’m a nice person quite reasonable so it’s he’s issue as to why he doesn’t get in touch it’s clearly coz he’s one thing on he’s mind. It does help getting it out on here even writing it down anything to not vent at them because that would be like talking to a brick wall. Wish we could all have a WhatsApp group it would be our very own therapy lol x

replying to paul0572

Hi Paul you sound like a lovely man and she is very lucky to have you and doesn’t deserve you. It really takes it out of you mentally doesn’t it like the addiction your mind progresses too that’s one of the main reasons I left for my sanity it scared me I was getting brain fog due to the stress of it all. That really is the hardest part seeing them when they appear normal but you know they really ain’t deep down it’s such a awful situation to be in I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

replying to Cali111

Hi thank you, it’s such a horrible situation to be in isn’t it it’s a living nightmare. I saw the progression of the addiction so it’s not been that much of a shock what has shocked me is the change in him he’s morals responsibilities all out the window along with he’s bills and everything else they only care about one thing the cocaine. It must of been such a shock to you to finally realise what was the reason for hes strange behaviour and disappearances a lot of people feel that they may be cheated on when they suddenly disappear I think at times that would be far easier to live and deal with and move on from. They do create a new life filled with people that enable or use with them or who they need they will never find genuine friendships or love like they had with us, that’s their karma. I think you have the answers in front of you I think we look for answers in hope it will change or fix things and sadly only they can change I’m learning not to react to him anymore and play into he’s hands as that annoys him more. Also trying to help doesn’t work as you may well know they only use you and push you away if you try tell them what to do. It’s a sad life I wouldn’t want to live it. X

replying to paul0572

Also they push you away to hide the addiction from you too, it’s mostly shame as they do feel it as that’s why they use to escape it. Any decent person wouldn’t associate with them so they lose friends and only keep people in their lives that enable or use with, their circles will get smaller and smaller until they are using alone and everyday and that’s when they may or take a look at themselves.

2 replies

replying to Littlehappy

Why am I such an idiot?

Yesterday I’m getting on with an average day, no sign of him, an old work friend wanted to pop by,

While she was sat chatting about work (I’m still on maternity leave)

He appears in my car, I’ll add it’s filthy! Full of his crap and you can clearly see where his amazing friend sits due to the amount of old drink bottles in the passenger door,

And he starts to mess about with his own car that’s been dumped on my driveway for the last year n a half.

I let him in to get power and he proceeds to empty my cupboard where he keeps his tools, everywhere! Like all through my kitchen and hallway, he starts his car but then disappears

My girls then come in to tell me he is 3 doors along drinking and partying with my neighbors!!! I no drinking will lead to coke, they may well already do that over there anyway, some of the people we no are quite well off and use it, others are scabby, thing is no one knows he can’t control it, he’ll act all clever but once he leaves he’ll be sat alone with a ticket or 2, he’s the addict who bullies and is on the brink of violence now, but to all these party friends, they think he’s a good bloke, that I’m holding him down. I get the looks and laughs like they think I should be grateful he even stays with me.

I want to scream at them all the things he’s done to me! All the secrets I’ve kept, I sit here crying and he gets the happiness, the laughter.

Why!?

I was a touch hurt yesterday,

I fall in the trap of thinking that he’s normal when I see him, I forget he’s a complete stranger now. I took our little lady out to see him, he looked for maybe a minute but she looked to me n he lost interest.

Over at the neighbors he continues to laugh loudly and call my girls over the fence, I’m sat inside being mum, feeding our baby and being ‘boring’ while he just ups n goes leaving his tools everywhere

Anyway I decided to take my girls on a late night walk so he can’t beg to sleep in my house, he’s rosy drunk, I hear lots of people laughing… as we walk past he has the front door open and both him and my neighbor are out on their porch laughing at us, I felt like an idiot for being upset, my girls are watching what he’s doing to me!!

They see me happy and how he destroys my a little bit more every day.

I sat in that park for a good hour crying, I took the longest walk home, I was scared to come back and put my girls through the stress of an argument.

Why, why the need to hurt someone?

I’ve literally given him the world, I’ve paid his debts, I’ve been his go to when he’s wanted to end it!

I’ve never ever let him down! Ever!! And now I just feel low and so incredibly sad….

Yesterday sounds like a pathetic day to be down about but for some reason it knocked me for six and I’m lower than I’ve ever been

replying to Littlehappy

Oh hun so sorry to read this he’s being a complete asshole and rubbing it in right in front of you! Shame on him, you may need to get tougher set boundaries as they don’t like it when it when you do this tell him you will fetch any belongings of he’s but he is not to step foot in your house. Don’t play into the mind games he’s deliberately going out of he’s way to upset you as your seeing him for what he is now. Keep your guard up at all times when you speak to him remember he’s the not the same person say no to he’s demands wherever reasonable and show no emotion towards him as that why he will wonder if he’s still getting under your skin or why your not showing anything towards him. I promise you will have bad and good days but one day we won’t be bothered about what they are doing he’s not happy it’s a front the put on to convince themselves and others around they are not at fault but you know and he knows that what’s important. Keep strong he’s a fool to have lost you, and doesn’t deserve you! Sending hugs I find getting out in the sunshine with the kids leaving my phone in my bag and just being with them helps take my mind off it when I’m having bad days Xx

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