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replying to Littlehappy

Oh Littlehappy, please try not to let his actions define you.

I know this is easier said than done, I've been where you are and you feel helpless, mugged off, and utter sadness.

You are better than this, he might look like the life and soul, and you might look like the bore (to his so called friends) but you are not and neither is he! He's not the person you once knew, he'll gravitate to like minded drinkers or coke users, it doesnt matter that before he'd never socialise with them, now he'll socialise with anyone who is on his level, a messed up level, a level that you never want to be at.

When my husband used to be like this, I researched cocaine psychosis, and I truly believe my husband had that. He looked at me with hatred, the drug hated me for trying to help him, and he was now that drug, it had consumed him, and turned him into someone I did not recognise. I saw photos on my phone the other day of him at our childs graduation from nursery school, and the angst on his face is clear to see. He wanted to be there, but he didnt want to be there, he was so messed up.

Never, ever, blame yourself. Nothing you have done has made him like this. He's an adult and you can't fix him, so you need to look after yourself, and your girls and do whatever you need to to start again, find happiness and start to LIVE again, instead of the existence you have at present.

Sending much love x

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replying to Redfox20

I can’t explain how much this site has helped me recently,

Don’t get me wrong, I am a total mess, I’m low and sad but ultimately I’m keeping it to me this time.

Before I would go a week or two n then crumple n message him,

He would talk back and tell me how I needed to change or allow stuff and then we would be okay.

He’s so desperate for me to join in taking that crap, he knows how much I love him and seems to think I’ll cave.

I’m not stupid, our baby deserves more than drugged up parents, I wanna be there perky n alert for every single second of her life.

Like all of us on here, im mourning someone who’s still alive but no longer the same.

He appeared again yesterday, no phone call before again,

I let my girls open the door and kept busy, I was polite and so was he

- that’s the point I normally cave because I love him so much! But I didn’t, he gave our little one a 30 second cuddle, made a few comments about missing out on her as if it was my doing and he left.

Yay me for not showing any emotion but inside im am empty.

He is my whole world, I have never loved anyone as much as I love him! Life is cruel!

Anyway, like I’ve always taught my girls, one day it will feel better, all those rows when I just wanted him out of my house, all those nights when he was so angry and said so many evil, nasty things to me, that’s all done now. I must remember the bad times just as much as the good because he’s not the same anymore.

I have no idea how it will play out, im secretly hoping he will wake up and change but in the same breath he’s made it fairly final these last few weeks.

A WhatsApp group would be so good! This is the only place I open up, it’s the one thing that’s getting me through right now xx

replying to Ash2013

Thank you!!

My heart literally hurts,

I get churned up when I see him, I miss him!

I no he’s not the same and I no I’m hurting because I’m the nice one, I just look back and wish I’d been able to lead him down a different path, we had our whole lives mapped out and I really thought this time I’d found my soulmate….well hi is my soulmate, he’s just being poisoned by that crap.

I still can’t imagine a life without him,

In amongst all this, the last time he had a breakdown, he was crying and screaming at me down the phone because after a lovely day with me he drove home and instantly picked up his mate and a ticket, I obviously wasn’t impressed, anyway that night he was punching walls, and completely crazy, I could hear his mum in the background begging him to calm down, I messaged this friend that night and told him he needed to pack that crap in, I told him that if it doesn’t kill him it’ll kill his mum through the stress, I just hope he read that text and I hope it sunk in just a little bit because

It’s true.

I wish there was a medicine that would stop all these effects, that would bring them back xx

1 reply

replying to Littlehappy

That new song that’s out

‘Bad habits’!!

clear what that song is about,

Brought tears to my eyes listening to it today,

A love song from my partner to his habit x

1 reply

replying to Littlehappy

Hi you will have good and bad days try to to look to the future no one knows what will happen. Don’t give up hope but don’t expect anything either it’s the best way, focus on you and heal don’t back down or feel sorry for him, if he wants to change he will if he doesn’t you’re better off rid of him I know you love him I still love my ex but I love me more and I’m putting me first and my kids of course they are my main motivation reason to get up in the mornings on my bad days. We all want the happy ending but we have to create our own sometimes and just go with trust that time will help cliche I know stick to no contact that will protect you and your mental health. Only speak to him if he initiates anything or asks about he’s daughter nothing else, the less contact the better cut him off and hopefully he sees sense and finds a way to be there for you if he doesn’t there is nothing wrong you nor your beautiful baby girl can change never feel to blame for leaving you have one life live it! It will take time if he’s going to change and things may get much worse than better but at least you’re not around stuck in the cycle with him you’re free and you’re putting your needs first which is all you can do with an addict unfortunately. X

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replying to Littlehappy

I thought exactly the same when I heard it I wonder to myself I wonder if he’s heard in on the car radio if he’s resonated with it I mean what addict wouldn’t? X

replying to Littlehappy

Really sorry to read your sad story but glad that you have found this forum and am hoping that this will help you not to feel so alone.

I work for a charity called Icarus Trust. We offer help to people, like you, who are being affected by a family member's addiction. Our Family Friends are trained and experienced people and you could talk with one of them if you get in touch. They will listen and be able to let you know what other support is available for you.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

I hope this helps. Good luck!

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replying to Redfox20

Hey

Thanks!

It’s such a head f#ck!

I am trying to keep myself busy,

I’m finding sleeping hard as it is with a baby but he’s always on my mind! I lay awake wondering if he’s sad, I wake up knowing he’s gonna be awake until 3 or 4am each night, is he even thinking about me!

I used to see his mum occasionally n she said he was really low n kept himself to himself,

Then why?! He knows I’m here, our family home, the kids he’s helped raise for the last few years!

My 8 year old calls him dad cos he’s all she’s known, he was her idol!

We laughed so much, life was the best it had ever been for both of us!

And he knew I would always have his back.

Was this all a game? He ticks the boxes for a narcissist too, but I can’t work out if that is the coke playing a part in that or not, coke has been in our lives from the start but only on a destructive level since just before lockdown

It’s such a waste!

We had a couple of nights where he

apologized, he told me he knew he was a shit boyfriend and that he was the one to blame for how we were, he said things to show he had thought about what he had done,

He always caught me with a “hang on in there cos I’m gonna change”

“ just let football finish, just wait till darts is over, my mate needs me cos he’s feeling low”

I’m a sucker for him I guess.

I just don’t know how to go about my life never knowing how he is, waiting for a call, I’m praying hes gonna text or call each day, I watch my phone when I no he’s due to wake up. I have no real interest in mixing with friends, I have a busy family, it’s just missing him!

I’m sure he’s listened to that song, he was a Mc for years and was the one who really read into lyrics in songs,

Do you still hold hope for your x?

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replying to Littlehappy

Hi, our stories are so similar it’s crazy cocaine has always been in our relationship got worse before the first lockdown too then just spiralled after that. I have been trying to read up if he’s a narcissist I think addicts do have narcissistic qualities as they are very similar no empathy selfish no remorse. I have been reading up on it too how mad do you do a lot of research I do it’s me trying to make sense of it all I suppose. I saw my ex yesterday he took our two sons as it was he’s weekend he picks our daughter up Sunday for the day as she’s too little for overnights just yet. He yet again said he had no money to give for the children he’s car insurance came out of he’s bank and he paid to take the kids out Saturday to see dinosaurs. How true this is I don’t know, he took boys to see them sent me pictures which was nice of him I suppose. He has cards for my other son for hes bday we still haven’t got he’s mum gave them to him for my son, I said have you taken the money out of them he said too you sound like my mother so she is questioning him he says they was in car first off then he forgot now they are now in bags as he cleared car out he’s told me he is surrendering he’s finance vehicle back to the company he hasn’t made a single payment for it hasn’t had much work and what money he has had well you know.. it’s sensible I’m hoping he’s getting things in order or trying to sort he’s life out but then again he may want more money to use without paying for car insurance, so could go either way. Im exactly the same I do miss him but I know that I cannot back down and go back to him, I will only go back after seeing he is clean for at least 6 months to a year. I won’t tell him this which makes it worse too coz I don’t know how he feels I ended things but he hasn’t begged nor asked me or said anything about us nor have i, I know it will take time and he knows I wouldn’t listen to what he has to say I want actions not words ive told him this but still would be nice to know he misses me I’m sure he does but like me he’s hiding it very well. I do have hope we are good apart from that we’ve known each other since I was 14, we’ve overcome so many obstacles but can’t get over this it’s so upsetting! But only he can change and if he doesn’t well then he’s no good for me and I’m better off alone this is how I cope with it right now he’s there for the kids so that’s good he said he will take our youngest boy for a haircut in the week but whatever he says I don’t cling on to I just say okay and don’t get surprised when he doesn’t when it comes to the kids though he hasn’t let them down only once and I went mental at him and reminded him of when he was a little boy and he’s dad often left him waiting and didn’t show. I know I feel lost without him but as days are getting on it’s getting easier I’m getting use to it and thats scaring me too because it feels so final, but as i mentioned before you never know what can happen in the future so fingers crossed for the both of us. When was the last time you saw or heard from him? X

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