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replying to Littlehappy

I can relate to your story big time. When I was reading what has happened to you, it took me back I thought we were living pretty much the same life.

Unless you have been in this position yourself none will understand the pain and torture you have actually been through.

I have lied done things I am not proud of to protect this man, because you are manipulated into doing things that you never thought was possible. You look back on and you think why did i do these things!

To start off with its little things then it gets bigger as time goes by, before you know it your into deep yourself. All the promises they have made to you and you belive they can change. You belive there is light at the end of the tunnel for them, so we stay it doesnt matter how bad we are feeling inside and what they have done to us we support them. We put them first because they need support but through this we are losing ourselves. Xx

1 reply

replying to Littlehappy

Hey hope things are okay? Been thinking of you. Hope you’re well x

1 reply

replying to Redfox20

Hey you!

You got it spot on!

He wanted to start these date nights but I’m sure it’s just so I’m another outlet for his to use,

I think his friend has irritated him so he’s back around me.

It still makes me sick that he will happily use on his own though! A dirty dark room n just him!.

So we went off to the pub Tuesday as planned, strangely he got drunk first which I never really see him do, he usually uses n then is all chat a million miles an hour!,

He still worked his way round the pub, joining in every ones convos with me apologizing as he went!

He likes to tell the world my age n then that we’ve not been getting along as soon as he’s on it so that happened, pisses me off quite a bit because I don’t sit there telling people what he’s like an that he’ll be in the Loo sniffing crap constantly lol.

Anyway yeah it was alright, went back to his mums, I booked myself a taxi just as he decided to buy himself 2 more! He messaged me all

night, I woke up with our little one n he was still well away texting rubbish!.

He doesn’t remember much of the night at all which I’m guessing is something they put in his crap, I had to tell him what had gone on n I took my chance to tell him I’m done with how he goes round talking about us.

Won’t change but it was nice to say lol,

I’m so happy for you! Don’t loose that strength! I felt like that a couple of weeks back, n then he called n I did stupidly let him back in!.

It’s hard because his mum really needs me around as he’s so crap, n she’s lovely, just hard to stop caring but you are right n he will hurt me again because he’s never even slowed down on doing this rubbish! It defo comes first to all of us!

replying to Louise123

If we all wrote books I’m sure they’d be the same lol,

So much has gone on, so many messed up nights n crazy stuff that people wouldn’t believe!

I had to make a choice in the end, I wanted my family and that stuff doesn’t fit. I would feel so bad if I woke up half way through a day n I knew I was just loosing time n not making good memories, only ones you can’t share or nights you can’t really remember.

We used to be “one in both in!”

We were joined at the hip

But I never realized that it was because I was joining him, as soon as I wanted change he didn’t even try, we were one sided n I didn’t even notice!. I feel so stupid for that!

But I pulled it together, I got sorted and I had to get fertility treatment because I had been having miscarriages so I had a bigger plan,

After 3 I fell pregnant in lockdown and that’s when he really spiraled.

I no having a baby with him sounds stupid but I was so crazily in love with him, my eyes hadn’t been opened yet, I also really needed to because of all my losses, one of our lost babies happened at home and I have it in a tiny baby urn next to my bed, it broke my heart so I cherish our little one now sooo so much.

He’s missed out on loads already n I’m not gonna push him, he had his chance of me trying to help, he is an addict but still says he’s gone clean for days when I’m not stupid, two days max if he’s had a crazy night but he had so many dealers!

I sorta wish he used something else too!, he would do mdma when I met him, a tiny amount n he was sweet n it would make him chill n sleepy, that’s before all this kicked off, he was so different!

He tried swapping back but says it’s not about, apparently with lockdown it’s just disappeared….. I have no clue except what he says.

Yeah I feel like I lost a lot of time with my girls, I’m so lucky in a way that he left because we have all spent lockdown together, built bridges n I am so close with all my girls now. He lost a good family!

Anyway I hope your good! X

replying to Redfox20

We’ll meet up one day! 😂

so many crazy stories to tell

But a drink to us to celebrate surviving n moving on!!


1 reply

replying to Littlehappy

Hey, yeah there is always a motive when they start bothering wanting to change either no money or it’s Christmas or they don’t want to be alone lol. They do get carried away when they are on it and can be the nicest, talkative person but if you’re not on their wavelength after time they can get annoying my ex used to repeat the same stories every time I would say you told me before. Yeah I feel sorry for the mums must be awful having a son who’s addicted can’t imagine the pain. My mother in law is paying for everything food he’s phone bill the lot he is taking the piss out of her. My ex goes quiet when he uses he tries to hide he’s use from me but I know different, hes mum tells me she’s honest that he goes out still gets on it then sleeps in bed or ie depressed coz of the comedown. That’s the thing nowadays cocaine is laced with all kinds of crap some of the stuff is addictive too it’s just awful a vicious cycle and no life for the addict alone with their thoughts at 6am in the morning, I don’t envy them. Glad you’re okay though that would be lovely to meet up one day! X

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replying to Redfox20

Omg the repeating stories!!

Haha that took me back!

While he still lived here n it was out of control, he would want to start an argument every time! So his night would be fine, he would be well away chatting fast as anything about the same childhood fights n his beliefs n as it came to an end I would literally see a shift. He would bring up how I hated his mate, which I don’t really but I think they are both stupid but they lead each other down the wrong path… anyway he would go over n over why I have this problem n would I just admit it.

Haha it would suddenly start again like an hour or two later as if he had no recollection so next time I would say different responses n wait again!

It was like ground hog day and he would get more angry until I was telling him where to go n he either shouted my house down or he left!

I’d forgotten about that!!

One night he lent over me all angry n whispery n started saying how I was horrible n a rubbish mum, he hit the sofa next to me because I wouldn’t look at his face and I snapped, I only had to turn to face him n tell him to get out of my house n he was gone!!

He will never speak to me like that again! That stuff makes people crazy!!

Well I’ve not seen him since, today n he’s only just messaged me, it’s half 3! He has work soon and it’s another day missing his little girl! I’m happy today though, it’s hard n sometimes I wish he would just keep himself to himself as I care too much,

I’f he ever gets a grip it would be great by why are they so weak!!

I get that it’s addictive but he has a baby! He has a whole family!

Why can’t he fight it! It’s a drug not a woman that’s enticing him lol

Hope your good! X

2 replies

replying to Littlehappy

Hey, I’m good thanks how are you? haha oh they are so similar. They all must do it lol, or they speak about their childhood or their greatest achievements at work 😂. My ex was always happy on it more honest too and would communicate more with you. I think it doesn’t do much now to him tbh coz we spoke this week he said he isnt happy and the drugs don’t make him feel it, he came into the flat for the first time in 3 months because I needed to speak with him as a drug dealer was knocking at my door asking for him so needed to tell him it’s gone to far now bringing he’s problems to my door. He said he hasn’t used in a week been getting stuck into work and that’s what he needs to keep busy and said he will pay things back he’s trying to get full time work. I told him he needs to see kids more and be the dad they deserve he agreed that right now he isn’t and that this wasn’t the plan me doing it pretty much alone. He has them every other weekend but I have 4 children two are under 3 so he needs to step up more and see them one evening a week too my 2 year old idolises him and really misses him. He also gave me money this week for kids which is good as haven’t had a penny for 3 months. Maybe somethings changed in him maybe he realises now it’s all got to come from him and I won’t make it easy this time to come back even if we don’t sort out things I want him healthy and happy for the kids so whatever outcome I’ll be happy. Anyway enough of me haha, that’s awful another of my exes would switch on cocaine and be angry and abusive to me he doesn’t drink at all now because he can’t makes him violent. I bet apart of you didn’t want to react give him what he wants but when they say about you as a mother I mean who could control themselves I certainly wouldn’t! How’s things been for you? I’m seeing him shortly he’s picking the baby up our sons are with him this weekend she doesn’t sleep over just yet. X

replying to Redfox20


It’s so funny sharing stories!, yeah always memories about his childhood, all the fights he got into - with continuous replays of how he punched them as he struts up and down the living room 😂

And because I can’t talk about my past as it caused so much jealousy I’d sit night after night hearing his stories, I’d even have favorite ones so would steer a boring conv just so I could sit back and watch him play out a story!!

So many nights I’d have to listen to how an engine works!!! 😂 so funny!!

Funny enough my one was due to remember a “father figure” who passed away n I was aware that he would be planning a long night of drinking but his friend disappeared off to celebrate a wedding and never told him! So I get a call asking if I wanted to drink with him instead!


Haha anyway I say no so he gets on it by himself and sends loads of the wedding party messages because he wasn’t invited but his friend was!!

Such a stupid move!!

Anyway, I saw him with our little one last night, he’s changed his tune! On best behavior! No drink, played with baby, had his mum playing too, drove me home last night and asked if he could stay the night!!

I said no haha, I did say that he could come over after work tonight and watch tv with us for a bit and if he’s good and doesn’t drink then he can stay! So we will see….

Won’t lie, I’m quite happy having the whole bed to myself and not having to answer to him so I’ll see how it goes 😂

Funny though!! And today, instead of laying about until work he’s been up getting stuff done over at his!! Crazy but funny!!

I really hope yours makes a change for the better! N yeah maybe he’s starting to see he needs to change! But yeah It’s nice to just be okay either way!! I feel like that now, I’m enjoying my space but if he really puts in the effort we will see!, I think we gotta realise that we are worth so much more than we’ve put up with!

There’s no way he would have stood by me!!

Let me no how it goes xx

1 reply

replying to Redfox20


Hope your good!

It’s been a few days, as always my happiness didn’t last!,

I always buy into it! When will I learn!

So after all his efforts and actually doing stuff (which is minor to what most people do!) I had his mum and uncle over my house, made them lunch n all that while he used my driveway to fix his uncles car. All went well, then we went to my neighbors for a drink, that was quite nice too although the more I drank the more I made light of what a nightmare he was haha, I obviously found it funny but he didn’t. We came home and as I was drunk I didn’t realize that he wanted me to transfer money to his account!

Well I’d pre thought this and changed my phone PIN number the day before which was such a clever idea because once I was drunk I couldn’t for the life of me remember it!!

Anyway he got angry, shouting at me and then my daughter,

She thinks it’s cos he wants beer!

I get my head together enough to kick him out and then receive a million messages through the night telling me what he thinks of me!

How lucky was I that I’d changed my pin!!!

So next day he’s all sorry, begging to go back n carry on being happy, until today!!

He’s obviously been on something last night because I have asked to use the car to drop my girls off to see their dad, it is my car!!

And he pulls up an hour before he starts work and starts on me!

He has a stiff neck! - not my fault!

He screams at me for driving too close to the curb!! He has no idea as he’s never a passenger because he’s taken my car off me!!!

Anyway I end up getting a taxi home yet again,

This time I want the car back!

He’s a horrible human and how he expects me to wait for him when he can’t stop, get help or just be honest!!

I mean who lets anyone speak to them like that!! Screaming at me as I drive along, in my car that I put fuel in to drop off my daughters and he uses the rest!

I make the payments on it and I will have to sort any damage yet I let him to continue to share it!!!

I must have done some nasty stuff in my last life to warrant the abuse I get!!

So yeah, I’m wound up, upset, and really angry! Four girls away for the weekend and he better not come knocking because he can do one!!

Another weekend alone with my teeny one xx

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