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replying to Lece13

Hey, hope your okay. That is the best way not contacting them unless they get in touch with you as it annoys you if they don’t get in touch and me personally that does affect my mental health. It’s disgusting how they drop off and ignore people when they use and they don’t think of the bigger picture what if there was an emergency with anyone or the kids they wouldn’t forgive themselves then would they? My ex is the same he’s is more he disappears because of the come downs after and feeling guilty he’s given into temptation again and used he has more sober moments then on drugs so he’s able to see the problems it has caused. They can be so manipulative especially when they are using more and the lies you can see straight through them but they think they have you so convinced it’s laughable. It does annoy you when they show up when it suits them I think deep down they want to be there and do all these things they say but the drugs always gets in the way unfortunately. I think sometimes the intentions are they but they cannot follow through as one split decision to use and all plans and money goes down the drain. Happy belated birthday to your son, I have 3 sons there bdays are July aug & sept & my only daughter was born in March his year she’s the 4th my last and only girl 😊. Things haven’t been to bad for me for a change he’s in touch going to work we’re going out Saturday with the kids to the seaside he said he will show up as it would be bang out of order if he didn’t it was all he’s idea so hopefully I come back on here with a positive story of how it went. He seems to want to stop using on he’s own as that’s why he’s saying he hasn’t got help just yet how true this is time will tell but I never trust a word he says it’s really hard. He did however leave mine the other day after our sons bday and went and looked at someone’s roof for a job he’s mum said he came home from doing that and had dinner so didn’t go out as i thought he did it’s so hard to jump to conclusions though isn’t it? How are you doing hope you’re okay! X

1 reply

replying to Redfox20

Hey,

I feel like I’ve been gone ages,

Thank you for your reply, I was so hurt and upset, I couldn’t sleep I was so angry and knowing he was up at his off his head n not caring what he was saying…

I ignored him,

I messaged his mum n told her he was sending me nasty messages as she’s been through the same so she will no what I mean.

Next evening he messaged n said he was outside n could I go out with him for a drive to sort it out…I said no.

Then later I got the usual “I love you” “can we talk”

I’ve just been polite, I said we do need to talk…not seen him yet but he’s due here in half an hour,

I’m so done with the same old rubbish! He always destroys our time together, he never try’s to curb it because in his head a couple of nights at work means he has control and he can treat himself again!!

I have my landlord check today so he really needs to be here, he’s just messaged me so he’s just woken up lol,

I’ve done all the handyman jobs by myself lol, cleaned n jet washed - all of it! It’s funny cos I thought he would want to prove he was a man in some respects but he’s really not been bothered….I’ve had “oh you did it yourself! Well done!” Haha not once has he said ah you’ve got all the kids and a baby, I’ll be there to help you 😂

Anyway Thank you for your message, I’m feeling stronger today, it’s taken a few days to stew but I’m back again x

I dunno how long he plans on staying either as it’s his day off but he’s already said he feels like a zombie! Another great day!!

I’m just gonna let him get on with his day though n concentrate on myself n the girls, I sorta hope he makes his excuses n leaves pretty quick after our check

1 reply

replying to Redfox20

Hey, well today he turned up at his mams who had the kids. She told him that I said he wasn't allowed to see them when at hers as he needs to arrange set days with me. His response was "well I'm not staying". He then proceeded to have an argument with his brother all in ear shot of my son who heard everything. He has collected all his clothes from his mams and told her he wants nothing more to do with them and he won't be seeing them again!!

How can someone be so cruel. How can he just cut his family and kids off who are innocent in all of this. You wouldn't treat shit on your shoe like he has treat us.

It's obvious he is with someone else, but why does he have to push kids away. Yes - me I understand that and maybe his family as they support me and would not approve, but the children are innocent. Why go to all this effort why not just say what he is up to instead of cutting everyone off through starting arguments.

How someone can be truly happy pushing all those who have been constantly in your life away and choosing drugs, gambling and some slut.........is beyond me.

I don't even no him now. He is a different person who has no love, loyalty or care for his family. He goes on like he is hard done by, he is the one left alone and pushed out etc. When actually he has done all of this. He has chosen this life and all the things he is doing it.

It has completely knocked me sideways. I was meant to be going out tonight with friends and I have no motivation and feel nothing but pain. He has worn me to the ground. Wish there was a tablet I could take that would takw all the feelings and emotions away that were connected to him. Then maybe I could switch off and move on!!

Here's to a better day tomorrow!

Hope you are doing good still and enjoying your day out

replying to Littlehappy

Hi

So sorry to read your sad story but am glad that you have found support on this forum.

If you would like more support please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity that offers help to people, like you, dealing with addiction in the family. It can be such a lonely place so we have trained and experienced Family friends who you could talk with if you get in touch. They would understand what you are going though.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

Good luck.

1 reply

replying to Littlehappy

Hey, glad you’re okay. You do need you’re time to get on with things and try take your mind of it and sometimes coming on here don’t help if that makes sense so totally understand that! They do get in you’re head don’t they! They won’t ever understand that what they say or do mentally affects us even when we try not to let it get to us it just does. Hope you’re landlord check went well & who needs a man eh go you doing that on your own with the kids too! Hope it went well, and he left you to it id put my foot down tell him he’s not to stay, it’s so hard coz you miss them and want them but not the person they have become such a catch 22 isn’t it. Glad you’re feeling stronger things go well with me then when they go well with him I can’t help it you just worry about them don’t you it’s totally normal. But I’m trying to feel good regardless of what’s going on, things have been good here for a change hopefully they last we took kids down to Margate yesterday went to the arcades, had ice creams hot donuts & McDonalds then home he took our two boys home as it’s he’s weekend. Then me and the baby came home, was so nice to have a little bit of normality! I really hope it continues, but it will be a long road but he’s doing much better he said he wants to get clean by himself as that’s why he hasn’t got help. I hope if he can and if not hope he gets help if he can’t do it alone! Either way I’ll be okay that’s all I need to concentrate on is me and the kids of course! How you doing xx

replying to Lece13

Hey, how are you doing? Sorry to hear that happened with your son there it’s good he’s mum is helping you by sticking to her boundaries with him too and making you feel comfortable so she can see the kids. He’s acting up and angry because he’s not getting he’s way and rightly so you all have to put your own needs first the same way he does! It completely changes them doesn’t it i wouldn’t look into it to much other than it’s the drugs it’s not you and there is nothing anyone can do. He’s only using this woman to have someone to use with as they like to be around people like them they don’t feel as low in society then and they feel accepted by other addicts. Whilst he’s in active addiction he will never have a truly loving relationship, that’s he’s karma. I don’t think he’s chosen this life but he feels he has no choice and by pushing people away the addiction is winning he’s clearly out of he’s depth with it at the moment and he’s lost control. It’s awful isn’t it it really does get you down mentally it’s a nightmare! time will help with that, and push yourself even if you don’t feel like it a night out could be just what the doctor ordered concentrate on you and make yourself happy without him! I’m good thank you things have been better here for now, we went out spend the day altogether at the arcades had ice cream hot donuts so lovely to have some normality after the last 4 months. I’m taking each day as it comes now and not look to far ahead as you can be let down and I need to protect me and my sanity now so it’s the best way! How you feeling today hope your okay xx

1 reply

replying to Redfox20

Hey you! 🙂

I’m so glad to hear your world is going better!! I’ve never been to margate! It sounds like a laugh, especially for kids…

And that he’s trying to get clean by himself! It’s like he can actually see where he wants to be and what that stuff is doing! I’m really happy for you!!

So yeah my house check went well, I had the whole house fit for a visit from the queen 😂 I’d jet washed his van and car that are sat rotting on my drive, fixed so many little bits n had to stand n listen to him take all the credit cos he’s supposed to live here!! he turned up late and lied, told my landlord he was working nights! Nope just evenings…

He said to me the night before,

“I’m not going to get on it! Please have some faith!” And then at lunchtime, half hour before he should be here he calls and I ask if he had any sleep n his answer was no not really, but he has a headache, his eyes!! Bloodshot, his excuse was his eye drops made them sore!!! He was burning up while talking to me! It’s ridiculous that he still lies, it’s like he believes what he says to me!!

Anyway yeah my landlord was singing his praise, such good work but it was all mine!!!

Then he stayed to play with baby but after half hour he decided he was hungry so we went out so he could buy himself food, he instantly got angry that I sat in the back with baby cos he has some problem with it, he’s rather she scream the car down n I sit up front with him!! so within 5 minutes he was angry and I asked to come home….

He ruins every day that I see him! Honestly! It’s anger or jealousy or just nasty….

Anyway I stayed home last night, went out for a long walk with my daughter n put the world to rights as we walked…

He messaged and did the whole “I love you, please let’s make it work” so I told him we rnt happy so either sort it out or it’s over…I don’t think for a second he will change but I am which is the biggest and best thing

Anyway yeah, he’s been at work all day so I got out the house again, I’m gonna try and pick myself up and get some sort of life in place, even if it is just getting out with the lids it’s better than sitting at home by myself.

Hope your still going well!! Xx

1 reply

replying to Littlehappy

Hey how are you doing? I’m good thank you Margate was nice it’s a bit run down now well the people are lol. A lot of druggies typically but the arcades are good and they have dreamland which is like a funfair that was closed unfortunately. We’ve all been okay he’s not been so good with depression spoke to him Monday all was well and not heard from him since he’s mum said he was sleeping all day yesterday was asleep when she left and got in from work. He’s phone was on silent i did message him to check in see how he is yesterday still not heard back i just hope hes being sensible but as you know that is an escape for them. im learning to detach now not take it personally and have accepted hes gonna have hes struggles and things wont always be plain sailing. just wish he would reach out when hes depressed instead he sleeps the days away. im okay doing good mentally im not letting it get to me anymore as then we are both sick. hows things been with you? x

replying to Redfox20

Hiya,

I’m alright ta,

Ah well it sounds like it was a nice time, my kids love arcades too!

The 2p machines ❤️ 😂

Brighton’s nearest to me, not been down there for a while though,

Hope yours gets himself together n bounces back for you, it’s such a struggle for them I guess, the road back to us seems so long and it’s so easy to drop back off n back to bad habits. Don’t think mines gonna change.

So I called his mum on Monday for a chat while he was at work, to check in n see she was okay and to see how he had been.

I was honest n told her I was ready to call it a day if he kept speaking to me the way he did, we went over all sorts and she admitted that she’s been steering clear of him too, staying away over night and just choosing not to talk to him to save having to go through his arguments.

She’s asked if I think he’s taking anything as she can clearly see a difference, I can’t say really as I’ve tried before and she wouldn’t accept it so I just told her the signs to look for, I know she knows deep down.

I love her to bits n she shouldn’t have to listen to her son say the things he does, same as me really.

I also found out he has seen his ‘friend’ and just not told me, his mum let slip that he was stupid for having this bloke back round the house again, she said his behavior dropped straight away and I no that they only ever see each other and do that rubbish. I sorta feel let down by that but I can’t tell him I no without dropping her in it.

Anyway I saw him Tuesday,

He was nice to me for once, I called it short n came home to my girls and as always he got straight on it…

I don’t no if he’s ever gonna have the strength to give it up, I’m just glad that I can walk away and come home.

I will say that I don’t no how I feel about getting close to him again, I was sorta glad to get my taxi when I did because he was quite drunk and I didn’t feel comfortable around him…it’s like I’ve moved on a bit now I dunno, I guess I can’t see him ever being anything other than chasing a high and I want him to love me

It makes me a bit anxious that he seems to think we can find a away to stay together and him still use it

How olds your little one now? Does he manage when he has her?

I told mines mum that I’m glad he’s not been interested cos I just don’t trust him fully, he hasn’t got that attention. My life revolves around her n my others, he gets distracted by anything lol

Take care x

1 reply

replying to Littlehappy

Hey glad you’re okay. You sound like your doing much better 😊 i haven’t been Brighton in years I do love a seaside! That’s mad how he’s mum can’t tell I think with coke the eyes are the biggest giveaway lol. I can tell with one look at my ex he’s done it he never has turned up to mine or to get kids on it coz he knows that will be he’s chance with them blown. I’m glad things went well with him when you saw him I think the more we don’t tolerate things they do respect us more in a sense but still ultimately do what they want at the end of the day. Do you get anxiety in hes presence I do at times I did on way to Margate only quickly and I shut it down and tried to enjoy the family day out together. My youngest is nearly 5 months he’s brilliant with them all, when they are with him he takes good care of them we are very similar with our parenting so I know they are in safe hands. Don’t get me wrong he could be present and pay for them but we know why he can’t! He’s still depressed been like it all week he read my messages at 1am this morning no reply. I think at least he’s read them he’s not in a good place so probably doesn’t have much to say or want to pretend he’s okay when he’s not. I hope he didn’t go out last night but I can’t message he’s mum everyday and ask lol. If he hasn’t that’s 15 days clean which is an achievement for him he could never get to two weeks here with me without disappearing to get on it. I totally get that I have my guard up fully with him we have to after what they put us through mentally. I am trying to be more sympathetic now and less angry as he doesn’t need it and it doesn’t help I know he’s struggling but I wish he would reach out to me. I really just want to see him and give him a hug it’s so shit but he will be in touch when he’s ready and hopefully he pulls himself out of it. How you been? Kids are back to school soon bit of routine should do us both good 😊 xx

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