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replying to Redfox20


Hope ur well,

How’s things with your man?

I’m not so good,

He’s not changed,

I found out he’s now got himself pills….Viagra

Don’t ask me why, I have a baby to feed and night shifts with her,

I’m not too happy about it and I’ve told him I’m done I think…

I no he’s also watching stuff when he’s not with me…..

I don’t get why he’s given up a family and an actual girlfriend to use that stuff and find fun in doing that…..

I’m just feeling a bit worthless and lost to be honest

On the plus it’s my big girls bday this week so I can stay occupied

Hope your good xx

1 reply

replying to Littlehappy

Hey, I’m good thank you. Was abit down last week due to him not being great and worrying about him being depressed. He got in touch sunday and had the kids for the day yesterday. It’s his weekend this week, so will hear from him again end of week hopefully. He’s not used for nearly 3 weeks now. He’s not been work last week so whether that’s why who knows but it’s still good I suppose. He just stayed home last week when he was depressed didn’t go out an use so hopefully he continues. Sorry to hear that do you think he’s struggling to get it up because of he’s use and only using it for that when he’s watching stuff maybe? We will never understand why they make the decisions they do. They do see things more clearly and what they have done when they get clean somewhat is he still using often? Hope you eldest girl has a lovely birthday and that’s the best distraction! Kids go back to school so looking forward to a routine and spending less time worrying and being more busy helps as you know. Do your kids go back this week? Xx

1 reply

replying to Redfox20


Ah I’m so happy for you, still a long way to go but he sounds like he’s trying, I hope he picks up a little bit as depression is hard but it sounds like he’s doing really well!!

Yeah I’m guessing he is having problems getting it up lol, he uses a lot and it does stop all that, I just don’t get why he can’t even try n curb it, at this rate he won’t have anything left down there 😂

I just think he’s got a real lady waiting for him here but he’s choosing wrong!

So I told his mum what’s going on today, she came to see me with her brother (his uncle!!) and I started off just saying it was drunk but then said “you no what, why am I lying, he’s doing stuff and I no he is.”

I explained the obvious signs n she took it all really well, they both said it wasn’t on and she said she was really embarrassed….it’s not her fault!

They both said it’s this friend of his, when he’s about there’s no point cos he has some sort pull, he’s dropped me n our little one because of this bloke,

It’s hard because I can’t win, I can beg n I can try n help him out but for some reason my other half wants him n not us,

Yeah my lot go back next week, so my last week having a full house!!

I’m off out to dinner tomorrow and he’s asked to come which is odd as we haven’t spoken since his little flip out

Have a good week! Xx

2 replies

replying to Littlehappy

Hey, yes a long way to go that’s for sure. But it’s going better than it has, and fingers crossed it continues if it doesn’t well hopefully one day he will get there! He seems to know what it’s caused and I think me putting my foot down has given him the motivation he knows he will not be back here unless he’s clean for a while. Yeah have heard that some people have problems getting it up so that even if they wanted to cheat they can’t haha. One thing I noticed was he’s sex drive completely went even on coke he wasn’t interested whereas before on it he was so horny lol. It’s good you had a chat with hes family today the more people know and can be on their case the better! And it’s a great support to you that people understand. It’s so hard when they find someone who’s on the same level to use with that hasn’t got nothing better to do isn’t it. Until he gets fed up of him which he likely will they will both use each other unfortunately! It’s so tough isn’t it it’s all out of our control and they have the power to change their lives ours the kids and our futures everything! I have struggled with being powerless and it’s took me along time to accept I can’t do or change anything for him it’s all got to come from him. Hope dinner goes well tomorrow if he comes, they blow hot and cold constantly don’t they it’s such hard work! Have a good week too and speak soon xx

replying to Redfox20

Hey you,

How’s things your end??

How’s he doing getting straight? Hope all’s good!!

I’ve not been on here for a little bit,

I’ve been so busy with school stuff but life’s been odd, I’ve just sat staring out the window,

I just don’t no if I’m coming or going.

So he came to dinner, one of my girls chose not to come as she just can’t stand him right now and he really fixates on her and every single thing she says or does and try’s to find fault or cause a stir! so we made her excuses.

It was a good night otherwise I guess, I paid as always lol, it’s the only relationship I’ve ever had where I pay for everything!, so he drove my car but I put the fuel in, paid for our dinners and then he suggested we go to an arcade.

The kids heard so I couldn’t really say no.

I then cashed up loads of money for pointless machines and bought us drinks while we were there…

he’s no different though

I have stepped away loads, I’m not messaging him at all,

He messaged on Saturday and told me a load of twaddle about how he’s different now and has a different mind set….already by Saturday lol

So I knew he was on something while he was messaging because he was so keen to chat lol, and the messages were so long!

Next morning he admitted he had taken Mandy!! No sleep at all and he had to work!! A 12 hour shift on no sleep! Idiot!

And today he calls and asks to come over but on his way got really aggressive towards another driver (I’m on the hands free in the car so I heard everything) and because I ask him to stay calm because I don’t need him screaming swear words down the phone, he comes to mine n starts screaming at me that I don’t back him, that I’ve ruined the day and blah blah blah…

I was having a lovely day until then with our little girl! She is there for his onslaught which I think is ridiculous.

Anyway I’ve not heard from him since his last screaming fit a few hours ago….he came and went 3 times, each time shouting at me but standing in my doorway so the whole road can hear his stupid attempt at making out I’m the angry aggressive one!

Complete narcissist! Like text book!

He’s crazy, so yeah I took baby out the house to the park to try and lift our day a little, he’s now parked in my driveway and has taken himself to my neighbors house to have a drink by himself….he tried telling me that he deserves a reward for working!

He works 3 half days and 1 full day and has a two day and 1 day off where he gets high on both!

He spends all his money on his drugs lol

I’ve had to give my notice in at work today too, I never planned on having a baby and him doing this… I can’t go back just yet, I need to get my girls sorted and then look into childcare and my options… so my heads really messed up, i have no one to talk to about any of this, his mums stuck her head back in the clouds and I just don’t have anyone I can trust to tell what’s going on and that can actually give me advice and help.

Nothing seems like it will ever change, it’s just if I can pretend like him that things are great when it’s all a lie. Xx

replying to Littlehappy

Hi there, So sorry to read your story and am glad that you have found this forum.

The Icarus trust is a charity that supports people dealing with addiction in their family like yourself. We have a team of Family Friends, our well trained and experienced people, one of whom could be assigned to you to listen and help you to find help if you get in touch.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website www.icarustrust.org

Wishing you all the best.

1 reply

replying to Redfox20


All okay with you??

Not spoken in ages!!, how’s things going over with you??

Hope your good!!

I’m alright, last two days he’s been okay, turned up and cried and asked if we could sort things out…I said I’d be here if he does and told him I cared so hopefully he will give it a try

Anyway, chat soon yeah!! Xx

1 reply

replying to Littlehappy

Hey, I’m good thanks. Been so busy with kids back to school haven’t had a min! I did read your last message been meaning to get back to you, it seems he is a lot better since then and wants to sort things out I hope it goes well for you! I think they have to be left to it sometimes and we have to pull away for them to see the madness of it all themselves. It’s so hard because like you I still care and love him and want the best for him. Things have been going really well here 5 weeks clean although he hasn’t had much work on so no money. We have been spending more time together he’s been with us some days and staying til late and going home. I’m enjoying things while it’s going good, hopefully it lasts. We’ve had some conversations he’s able to see what he’s done wrong he’s very defensive though and doesn’t take advice well. He has said he will discuss he’s finances or let me watch over things, checking he’s paying bills once he’s in steady work it’s just not there at the min, so he said it’s not worth worrying about right now whether thats him burying he’s head in the sand who knows! He worked last weekend with two people who do like a drink he kept in touch and stayed sensible he’s been up this week last two days to see us. He’s picking kids up tomorrow to stay for the weekend. So yeah all is okay at the min he’s getting paid soon for the job last weekend have asked him what it’s going on he said it’s paying off parking tickets for van so it’s good it’s gone before he spends it on something silly but he still could I’m learning now to be more understanding and less angry towards him as I don’t think this helps things and if he relapses well hopefully he brushes himself off and continues! How are you doing? Hope you and kids are well xx

1 reply

replying to Redfox20


Really good to hear from you!!

All sounds promising!! Hope it continues x

Yeah all okay here, I sorta wonder if he’s fallen out with his mate or his mum…I stopped messaging her and calling because it was hard, when he was awful and she still tried to back him, he’s her son so I don’t blame her but I’ve done nothing wrong really, the main reason she’s seeing more arguments is because I’m standing up for myself now so I won’t take any of the rubbish I used to.

All that being said,

He did come over and burst into tears, I hugged him and told him I’m here, all was quite sweet.

We messaged loads and he asked if we can try so I’m gonna let him, at the end of the day I’m here already so if he can step up and knock that on the head then I’m gonna be here and things will be good 😊

It’s been a really lovely few days!

Babys happy and spending time with her daddy, ive seen the old him for a few days and my girls have enjoyed his company for once!! All good 👍🏻 x

replying to Littlehappy

Hey, how’s things? Hope your well. That’s good your both willing to sort things out how’s that going? Glad little one is happy is nice for them to see their daddies they have missed out on so much they’re fault but still it’s nice to catch up on missed time. Everything is going well here 7 weeks clean although been out of work he starts a new job next week gets paid in 2 weeks so be interesting to see what happens we have been getting on so well he’s been up most days taking kids to school and been there for me my mum had a stroke last weekend really shook us all up as a family especially me and my sisters she’s okay it was mild she was really lucky she’s on blood thinners rest of her life now though! I’m abit anxious about him getting work but have a good feeling this time don’t know why I told him if he’s in work a month an still clean maybe we can discuss about him coming home. There will be slips ups but it’s how we deal with them & hopefully there isn’t none! He got paid for that job he did a couple weeks ago gave the money to he’s mum to pay a ticket for the van so that’s good. I really hope he sticks to it and we don’t go backwards but as you know it happens so fingers crossed time will tell hopefully he’s home soon! Hope things are good your end xx

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