: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

15 replies

My ex has been a cocaine addict and now I think he’s cheated

Can anyone give me some advice here I met my partner 4 years ago was using cocaine didn’t really realise the extent of it as he was working full time nice car his own house. I lived in my house I moved in for a few months total nightmare he was having parties so I moved back to mine. Fast forward 4 years it’s gone from lying about using excessive drinking to finding out he’s been messaging exes on dating sites. I tried to help him but he is constantly lying won’t say where he’s been who he’s with. I left him a month ago and it’s got worse he’s been going out staying out I’ve blocked his number he emails me really vile dirty messages after being out all night, it’s almost like he enjoys it last Saturday he went out and said he slept with someone had a banging night how cruel is that all contact been stopped with his daughter. Constant arguments with his mum as he’s now living with them it’s so draining

2 replies

replying to MJ2021

Hiya mj I hope your OK.

I've got a cocaine addiction. But I'm now 81 days clean after joining cocaine annonymous. And I'm working the 12 steps. I've bed doing my best to stop for years. But this programme works.

My gf kicked me out 4 month ago after relapsing and I lost it all. But im getting there.

Anyway... So cocaine is a big sleezy drug, it makes you cheat, and so seedy things. I don't really want to be telling you this but I need to be honest. What I tell you can not be for everyone but most I speak to have done the same.

It makes you go on escort sites, meeting escorts or massage parlours all while on coke, driving there drunk and using. It makes you cheat, join dating sites and hide things..

It is a sleezy drug.

But also the user would never do this if they ever got on cocaine.. Its a terrible drug and makes you do things u would not normally do.

I hope this helps. Feel free to ask me. Anything

1 reply

replying to MJ2021

Hi Dan I had a pretty good idea he had been he went out all night till 6 in the morning wouldn’t say who he was with where he went even denied going out. Then he was messaging saying he’d had sex was I jealous etc but after he’s been on it he’s really vile and perverted is this also cocaine talk as I’ve never dealt with anything like it the messages are vile and perverted

replying to MJ2021

Hey Mj

Just reading through what your going through,

From my experiences, my ‘partner’ he used to use with me, just weekend stuff but all sorts, I think we were quite careful, sex life was good and yeah he was defo more pervy on it….

Fast forward to last year and he spiraled out of control, a man that he considered his father figure passed away and his drug use went crazy, drinking and using every other day, he walked out on me because I wanted it to stop, sided with his friend who wanted to use just like him and that was that, I took him back countless times, fell pregnant and I continued to stay clean, work hard and make a complete u turn.

He was vile last year, screaming my street down, going crazy when we were out and about - all looney stuff!

This year and we have spoken more, he’s been trying to win me back as his friend has ditched him, but the whole pervy thing!!

Well the other night after seeing him for a couple of hours I came home,

All fine as far as I knew,

But come morning and I wake up to my phone and a million messages, he’s still awake, been up all night and I’m guessing about 3 tickets down,

He’s sending me pervy messages about what he wants to do to me, where and is sending me filthy photos of all sorts!!

Not what I expected to wake up to, I felt slightly uncomfortable and with my daughters in the house I just deleted it all very quick and ignored him

Anyway later in the evening I get messages saying he felt like an idiot, obviously a full day of sleeping and he’s woken up to what he’s done!!

I have no idea if he’s cheated on me, it makes me feel sick!, I will say that excessive use makes his little friend try n disappear so I’ve never been too worried but you never no!

I don’t like it though, I don’t feel comfortable knowing he’s more than likely watching porn and messaging people

It’s a horrible drug! X

1 reply

replying to Danman83

Hi Dan

Hope you are well

I was reading your reply to MJ and was wondering if I could ask you a question.

I haven't been with my ex for a good few month now. However, we have 3 children together and he goes a week or sometimes more without seeing or speaking to them.

He is in full blown addiction mode using everynight as far as I am aware and gambling too. Most likely going with woman as well.

The thing I don't really understand is why does he continue to manipulate me. If he is doing what he wants to do with who he wants to do it with why does he still not completely let go of me. He turns up after a period of time, not saying much due to him knowing he is in the wrong for not bothering with the kids. He then asks if I want to go to out with them..... like a family. Me and him went to a family funeral last week and he put his arm around me in front of everyone. It's like mind games! Where not together he doesn't bother with me when he is on cocaine, but when he does feel like he needs to see the kids he goes on like this. I just don't understand him. Is it to show face make him feel better about himself?

replying to MJ2021

Hi Lece can I just say something it’s same with me and him he hasn’t seen his daughter for months hel message how is she then try manipulating me do you want to go for food etc like nothings happend. When he’s on cocaine I don’t hear from him apart from early hours or morning after with vile perverted messages. He’s gambling but he s parents enabling him giving him money refusing to accept he’s an addict

replying to MJ2021

I know the gambling comes hand in hand with the cocaine for him. He was on one on Tuesday didn't turn up for his sons birthday on Wednesday until tea time. Tbf he rang in morning I knew he had been up all night, so told him he was a vile selfish person and put the phone down on him. When he did turn up he took kids out and even spent yesterday with them too. Got to 2.30pm then he made his excuses (could see that he wanted to go and use). He said he'd come for them this morn and surprise surprise didn't come. He's been along his mams this afternoon and had the cheek to tell her he was coming to see kids but never turned up. Constant lies all the time. I think he actually believes his own lies. I just don't understand why he feels the need to keep lying to me when where not together. Why not say what he is up to and stop going on like we are still a family when we are clearly not together.

replying to MJ2021

I know this is the worst part the lies this is what I can’t get my head around I speak to his sister and she does tell me things he even denied he went out with these so called other addicts when I knew full well he had but why message me saying he had sex with some girl last night why would you do that. I’ve stopped all contact as I think my daughters better off without him he cannot be trusted not to go out and get off it it’s not a chance I’m gonna take he drives his dads car drunk

replying to MJ2021

Yer they won’t say who they with where they are nothing I think my ex is gonna be dead soon it’s excessive drinking his jobs not going well they monitoring him he’s using cocaine a lot more it’s really bad situation.

replying to Danman83

Why do they lie about where they been and who they with

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