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Can someone please talk to me - I feel suicidal

My son is a Ket addict. He's only 22 and developed his addiction at Uni.

My partner (his father died of alcoholism) at the age of 46 my son was 5. So I have brought him up alone.

I've pushed him to get help , therapy etc - which he has. But the last few weeks have been really bad - he is always in his room doing Ket and telling all his friends/girlfriend that he is broke so can't see them.

I've seen powder around his nose - found ket bags in his room and seen him meeting his dealer. But he's telling all his friends he is clean and doing well - which is a lie.

I confronted him yesterday and asked him to do a test - he hit the roof, threw a chair across the kitchen and was verbally abusive. He then left me a letter telling me what a terrible mother I had been and loads of other abusive stuff.

I have been very depressed and have chronic fatigue, struggle to work and keep things together. At the end of the month he is moving to do his MA but I cant stand living with him - it's literally killing me. I have PTSD from his father who died in his sleep. Today he demanded an apology FROM ME!!

I feel like I communicate with him badly and it's all my fault - I don't know what to do next. Please anyone, talk to me...I'm desperate.

By the way - he tells all of his friends I have a personality disorder and I'm paranoid just to cover his tracks even more.

replying to Georgie1410

Hi Georgie,

Thanks for sharing your story and we're so sorry to hear about what you're currently going through with your son's ketamine addiction and the impact it is having in you which sounds so difficult.

It's important to speak with someone about what you are going through - you can call Samaritans for free on 116 123, they are always available, 24/7.

The following charities also have webchats for family members affected by a loved one's substance use to speak with someone, that are available right now:

CGL (until 8pm) - visit here

We Are With You (until 9pm) - visit here

Information & guidance is also available on the Adfam website.

Take care and best wishes,

Adfam

replying to Georgie1410

Hi Georgie, welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one who has addictions.

I was so sorry to read your story, yet another family affected by the evils of addiction and the devastation it brings with it.

I usually post on the Theresa thread. There are several of us mums with sons with addictions. All varying degrees of addiction but the same sad story . Parents worrying and being stressed and anxious, and not knowing what to do for the best.

I wanted you to know that you are not alone in this nightmare.

The mums on the Theresa thread are very kind and supportive. The adfam homepage and Icarus trust also offer advice and support.

I can only say from experience that unless they ready and willing to seek help, there's little we can do until then.

Please look after your own health and well-being, find time for yourself. Perhaps let the doctor know how you feel too.

Keep in touch here.

Stay strong

Lx ❤

replying to Georgie1410

Thanks for the replies so far. I am on antidepressants - but today I was actually thinking I could end it all easily. I feel so lonely - my family are very religious so they know nothing. I feel ashamed to talk to friends about it. I really am starting to feel it's my fault and that is why I need to talk. I am very isolated and he is starting to scare me with his confrontational aggressive approach. He said I am a stress trigger and the cause of his addiction - that is what I am starting to think.

replying to Georgie1410

Georgie, this forum is a godsend. There are people here who understand, they have, or are going through similar problems. No one will judge you, there are also people in recovery offering support and advice too.

My family aren't aware of my son's addiction either. It would rock their worlds! But I have confided in two close friends which helps.

It's tough for me and my husband and daughter. Like you say, you try to hold it together, just take each minute, hour, day at a time. Don't think too far ahead.

Our sons lash out at us because we are the closest to them. Deep down they don't mean it, the drugs turn them into people we don't recognise. It's definitely no reflection on you as a mother- you wouldn't be here if you didn't care.

replying to Georgie1410

Click onto 'share your story ' at the top, then scroll back until you see the Theresa thread.

The other mums are so supportive.

Lx

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