: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

1 reply

Need Advice Please

My partner is an alcoholic. We were together when we were young and have stayed in touch. Just over 20 years later we are back together and I love him to bits. He has had a lot of trauma, both childhood and beyond and has just started counselling for this, which is really brave. He isn’t currently working so I am carrying everything the moment (he lives with me), and he is an alcoholic. When we got back together he was drinking all day every day. We had a discussion and I told him I couldn’t live like this and he promised to stop. This was 25th July. He had one major relapse which almost broke us but he promised it wouldn’t happen again, then yesterday he had to go for an appointment whilst I was at work (I work long days), met up with his friend and adult children and got very drunk.

Am I expecting too much? I feel really hurt and let down. And bloody angry that while I’m at work in a really stressful job to pay all the bills, he takes it as an opportunity to go and drink. And I come home to him laying on the sofa and being really belligerent. Will this get any better or am I holding onto false hope? Or am I just expecting far too much?

replying to cf1980

Dear cf1980,

I'm so sorry for you...unfortunately I absolutely understand your situation. My husband was an alcoholic and we were together for 5 years. I have a son, who was 4 when we eventually had to leave. My husband died of alcohol poisoning in 2012.

Anyhow, it's about you right now and your situation. My advice would be that however much you love him, you must know that this must be making you ill, possibly killing you?! I eventually had to leave the family home with my son because as much as I loved my husband... this is alcoholism. The condition gets progressively worse and all the focus will be on him, but you are a victim in this....If you have the financial means ( you don't mention children ), then make plans to leave him, get out of the relationship, move. There is a great deal of pity out there for the Addicts, but I understand the anger that you must be carrying right now. It has affected me for years and society is not recognising that Addicts destroy people around them as well. My concern is for you... the hardworking person, paying all the bills, carrying the load!

Addicts are essentially selfish, wreckless people. He is with you because you are strong. I used to describe it as ' I feel like I'm wearing a lead overcoat and he is dragging me down, drowning me. I have to be healthy and sane for my son. If I don't take it off.........I'll go down with him!! You sound like a normal, decent person.

YOU deserve better! I'm afraid that he won't change. You are strong enough to get out of this. Wishing the best for you.x

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