: Drugs, alcohol and mental health

Discuss the twin challenges of mental health and substance use

5 replies

Is he using cocaine ? Denial

My partner has been displaying some signs I believe are linked to cocaine abuse he is flat out denying that he’s ever taken it and calling me crazy for thinking it .

I have seen white powder round his nostril on a Number of occasions now each time he makes some ridiculous excuse such as it’s from the cold when it’s pure white powder residue .

His eyes are really shiny his moods are erratic one minute he comes over all talkative and high energy .The next day he’s always tired moody and he’s rubbing his neck and complaining of body aches .

He frequently hangs around with people who use coke and crack he gets paranoid verbally abusive and argumentative.

I have confronted him he denies ever touching cocaine and gets angry with me

He disappears with coke addicts and the scenario is always the same he comes over happy high energy talkative then the next day completely switches to moody argumentive and begins to complain he doesn’t feel well and is always rubbing his neck which is totally knotted.

It’s become a frequent pattern of behaviour I’ve noticed especially with the flu like symptoms and mood swings.

It’s causing huge rows as everything I see points to cocaine but he denies it and becomes angry .

I would really like some opinions on this from people with experience of cocaine addiction/use

replying to Confused88

It sounds like he is absolutely using cocaine. They always deny. My husband would always be up down and around happy sad angry depressed and I found out he was abusing cocaine. In the same breath he admitted to using it “he was already done with it” then would later admit it was out of hand after that. They can’t tell the truth about anything. My husband hid it from me “cause I would overreact”. He lied, cheated, spent all our money and left me. It’s been about 5 months and after a lot of therapy and self care I am at a much better place. A life full of all that is not a life I want to live. It will be undeniable the longer this goes on for you. Tough when you’re the only one who sees it too. Sending love. You are not alone. Xo

replying to Confused88

It sounds like he’s using. I’ve also found nail clippers and keys in odd places, as these are tools that are used to sniff coke. You can also look out for totally weird sleep schedules. Basically staying up all night, maybe even two or more days without sleep. And when sleep finally happens its for hours on end, and maybe they’ll wake up at freaking dinner time and act like it’s completely normal. Instead of getting greeted with “good morning” it’s “babe what would you like for dinner?”

At least in my experience…

replying to Confused88

Dear confused88, speaking from personal experience, the white powder around the nose does sound a bit of a giveaway, his behaviour is suggestive of using coke, but guessing aside, have you asked yourself what do you want to come from knowing for sure if he is/isn’t using coke? Will it change your relationship?

I’ll tell you now, the constant guessing and trying to catch him out will load on the tension between you both, it isn’t healthy for a relationship.

I don’t know how you are as a couple, but if he isn’t being open with you when you’re directly asking, before you press him on it again, I’d recommend just deciding what difference it makes to your relationship if he’s using coke.

And don’t get me wrong, I get it, it isn’t nice when people we care about lie to us, and I’ve been lied to too, my bf is as an addict, what he doesn’t tell me is more from his own shame than anything else, and more so now, because we know each other so well, he doesn’t tend to lie so much. If he does i know, I laugh, then he laughs and admits the lie.

But if you can give it a little bit of time, hold back from trying to catch him out, perhaps wait until he relaxes again and meanwhile just consider the likely scenarios, perhaps you’ll find a more natural opportunity to speak and you’ll be sure of your view on any given scenario.

Living with an addict is not ideal, but at the same time, I’m sorry to say, people have to be themselves, whatever that looks like.

I wish you the best possible outcome. Xx

replying to Confused88

Hi, I am going through the exact same scenario right now, finding little bags all over the house, he says it isn't a problem but so obviously is, he asked me to leave yesterday saying we were done after I confronted him. He needs help but won't get it until he admits he has a problem.

I am so glad I found this forum, you feel so alone when you can't talk to anyone about it.

replying to Confused88

I'm so sorry to hear your going through this. I am 4 months the other side of a long term relationship where my partner was using coke and like that I lived day to day trying to catch him out, being lied to left, right and centre being manipulated etc. I didn't see all of this until now, until I'm this far on and look back. He was the one that ended the relationship walked out and wanted nothing more to do with me even though I was the only one trying to help him sort his life out. Bottom line he didn't want to and one piece of advice I can give you is please don't hold on in there! I know it is so difficult to walk away but I honestly was losing myself trying to save him and from what I have read this is a common situation. I honestly felt I was going insane and living on my nerves from one weekend to the next as I didn't know what way he'd come home, if he would come home at all and what lies or excuses he'd have for me. Weigh up your relationship so is it what you want? Is it going to change and are you just holding on in there because you don't want to be on your own? I know that was my main reason. Wishing you the best but until he decides he has an issue and wishes to address it the correct way the addiction will take priority over everything and everyone around him. It all sounds extremely like what thankfully I have left behind me. Take care x

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