I don't know if there are any active members on here. It's a shame, I'm struggling to find support anywhere, does anyone else find this?
I am 31, my father has been an alcoholic all my life, my mother's drink problem began when I was around 9 years old and got gradually worse. My parents were separated when I was around 3 years old, I always lived with my mother and as I got older and the drinking became worse so I felt I had to stay with her until the age I am now due to being so fearful of her not being able to look after herself, falling over, or doing something stupid like setting the place on fire when trying to cook. and leaving the front door open (happened often).
I recently nearly lost my dad because of the alcohol and he was in a coma for a few weeks, I visited every day and as he deteriorated quickly the hospital called me in the middle of the night to go and say my goodbyes to him because they didn't think he would last the night. Anyway,somehow, he miraculously recovered in the week after that and went home. I went to stay with him and cared for him (he lived down the road from me and my mother's home).
My routine was..I would wake up, sort my father's breakfast out and make lunch ready for him, go to work, then after work, go to my mother's to cook dinner, then back to my dad's to do him and me a dinner again. My mother then suddenly became severely depressed about me leaving and refused to eat but would continue to drink. I went to see my mother after work one evening and she was in a lot of pain and unable to move. I called an ambulance and that was the last time I ever had her home. She passed away from acute pancreatitis and multiple organ failure due to the alcohol.
I am struggling so so bad to come to terms with the loss and the absolute guilt. I'm now in mother's home again but it is empty without her (I am being kicked out soon enough anyway but still..). I'm just so heartbroken. She lived such a sad life. I still care for my father, but even for him, I thought perhaps after him nearly losing his life and knowing alcohol killed my mother he would stop but he continues to drink and smoke heavily. I've spent all my life dedicating time and care into my parents, I've never had a life of my own but even with the chance I would just be riddled with grief, hurt and guilt. I mean this is a very brief outline of the story, I could have gone on and on. Writing is kinda therapeutic in a way